she...

"Competent" "Bright student" "Doing very well" Just a few of the things she would usually get on her report from teachers. That they think she's doing well in her studies, but she needs to put in a bit of extra study at home. If only they knew.

If only they knew how hard she actually does try, that it's a constant struggle for her to get her head around the concepts of that subject. That something about the mix of school, social life and her health just doesn't seem right. That she has to pick one and run with it. And time and time again, she finds herself choosing school.

She hasn't eaten properly, let alone enough for the past month, since the holidays. That she hasn't not had a nightmare for about the same amount of time. That her head is revisiting an old friend who scares the crap out of her.She can feel the tension, anxiety and stress causing recurring health issues. She doesn't want to go back there, but can slowly feel herself slipping back.

And it doesn't help when teachers think that she's coping well, or that what she's doing or lack there of just isn't good enough. The love of her friends seems to be all that's holding her head above the water. The need to see them again, to spend the lunch breaks with them is keeping her afloat.

The slight chances that she may be able to grasp something or find herself enjoying the moment lifts her -temporarily- higher. That her mother and grandmother nag her about her lack in housework adds to the anxiety and stress she has already found herself floating in.

The pressures of being a teen get to her head and she finds herself overwhelmed. Soon to move into her final year of high-school, the pressures of everything march in and thud inside her head. The unveiling of new information encourages in her minds old friend, who brings with him old habits. She fears that soon she won't have enough steam left in her engine to keep going, that the two weeks holiday seems so much further away than just the month it really is.

She knows there is help waiting to take her hand, but she isn't sure how to go about it. How to ask. She knows there are people put there who are far worse off than she is, but how many know how hard it really is for her? How would they really react if they knew what was really going on inside her head? How would they react if they knew what she'd been through? If they knew everything. About the abuse, about the depression, about the addictions. About how much she had really been through.

Would they treat her differently? Would she get special treatments? Would she get the chance for teachers to back off and let her go at her own pace? For her to adjust slowly, but surely to her environment? To grow into her own shoes and finally get the acceptance from her parents, friends, grandparents and teachers that she needs to boost her esteem? Would they? How would she adjust? How would she change? How would she really cope? Would she be better off? Would she be granted what she needs?

But she stops, how would you react? What would you say? If you knew all?