I'm in love. Il Divo you've stolen my heart. And all these other versions of Silent Night and Amazing Grace. Especially this one on bagpipes that is absolutely beautiful. I want it played when they throw my ashes at the waves.
But apart from that it was a pretty awesome day. We had the Driver Awareness thingy and it was pretty good. Really eye opening. Especially where we had to sit in the car with the copper and do the braking thing. And when we hit Bertha, that was cool.
I just found Il Divo doing Amazing Grace. I'm crying. Great.
http://vimeo.com/2021830 <----have a look. Made me cry. You might not like it, but it's beautiful.
Anywho, I'm sleepy. Thought I'd share my new found love with you all.
Me x.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
your trousers just fell down.
I'm sitting at my desk, with my tea pot, full of Lemon Tea. And it tastes like lemon and hot water. Actually, some honey would go good with this. Nope, the honey tastes good by itself. Well I best not be getting sick anytime soon.
So today I handed in three, THREE assignments. And so glad to be rid of them. All of them were fair hectically big. English-2500 words, Music-1 composition, Biology-Field Report. Best feeling in the world to have them over and done with.
You're causing some tension,
There's no need to mention,
You got their attention,
Baby that your trousers just fell down
Just keep on walking,
Give 'em a talking,
even though your trousers just fell down.
Down! Down! Even though ur trousers just fell down,
Down! Down! Even though ur trousers just fell down.
Haha. This morning when I got to school, I bought a cheese sammich for the brekky club. I asked Ally P to watch it while I went to put my hopso uniform in Jane's office. When I came back I saw that my sammich wasn't there. I was like "Ally where's my sammich?" She had absolutely no idea. I was looking at Ally thinking it was a trick and that she took it. It wasn't. I looked at Maggie and she didn't have it either. :( Made me sad. Then I saw Mrs Harris walking in the entrance of the school holding it up with the cheekiest smile on her face. It was funny. Turns out she took it while Ally wasn't looking and Maggie was in on it the whole time.
And the rest of the day was pretty boring. Mind you I'm getting good at the improvising on the Piano in music, and Hospo was fair good. That sammich. Jesus it was good...
Does anyone else think Justin Bieber is a rapper dude wannabe? Sheesh, how old is this kid? He honest to God looks 12.
Anywho, I'm out. I has to do some of this CAFs Speech. Joy
IHY!!
Me x.
So today I handed in three, THREE assignments. And so glad to be rid of them. All of them were fair hectically big. English-2500 words, Music-1 composition, Biology-Field Report. Best feeling in the world to have them over and done with.
You're causing some tension,
There's no need to mention,
You got their attention,
Baby that your trousers just fell down
Just keep on walking,
Give 'em a talking,
even though your trousers just fell down.
Down! Down! Even though ur trousers just fell down,
Down! Down! Even though ur trousers just fell down.
Haha. This morning when I got to school, I bought a cheese sammich for the brekky club. I asked Ally P to watch it while I went to put my hopso uniform in Jane's office. When I came back I saw that my sammich wasn't there. I was like "Ally where's my sammich?" She had absolutely no idea. I was looking at Ally thinking it was a trick and that she took it. It wasn't. I looked at Maggie and she didn't have it either. :( Made me sad. Then I saw Mrs Harris walking in the entrance of the school holding it up with the cheekiest smile on her face. It was funny. Turns out she took it while Ally wasn't looking and Maggie was in on it the whole time.
And the rest of the day was pretty boring. Mind you I'm getting good at the improvising on the Piano in music, and Hospo was fair good. That sammich. Jesus it was good...
Does anyone else think Justin Bieber is a rapper dude wannabe? Sheesh, how old is this kid? He honest to God looks 12.
Anywho, I'm out. I has to do some of this CAFs Speech. Joy
IHY!!
Me x.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
"My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in."
On Saturday after the rushed ending to my blog, my family and I travelled to the world of KFC. There we had dinner and left. The trip back was the interesting part. After wrongly convincing my brother that I was going to take him for a drive while Mum and Hannah finished their chickeny-bits for dinner, we sat in the car and I let Mum control the machine of death. The other day, Mother purchased for us the newest So Fresh album, which we had blasting in our little PT Cruiser. My sister and I were dancing to "Blah, Blah, Blah" by Kesha. We stopped at the traffic lights at Batehaven. I have a psychotic aunt that works in Bernies, and it just so happened that she was working on this fateful evening. She stood in the window of Bernies, burning holes into our little car. We were all in hysterics as Jake screamed "SHE'S LOOKING!" and Mum sped off in the distance, only to perform a U-turn and proceed back past the devils' lair.
After these events I rang my dear friend Kayla, who continued asking questions to make sure I wasn't pissed off my face. I wasn't. Not unless KFC put something in their Solos. Then we went home and went to bed after packing a few more boxes.
Yesterday I went to Narooma with Miss Jen to do a management course for the footy club. It was pretty interesting, I learnt stuff about getting Sponsors, managing a club and how to use myfootyweb.com. It was good. And I borrowed nearly every type of tea under the sun from their Lipton Collection. Then we came home, and I spent the arvo with Jen and Glenn and managed to stay for Sunday Sippers. ILY drinks in the driveway.
So I've had a good couple of days.
Today was good fun. After an interrogation from Kayla, I proceeded to Religion, where Mrs H.C. told us about our assignments and we began Christianity. When she spoke about proper referencing to any sources we may use. I quietly asked "Miss but what if we don't have a Qur'an at home?" which sent Maddy into a small giggling fit. Then I noticed on the board that the French class that was in the room previous to us was learning about street names. "Rue Cheval" was the name of the street on the board. I laughed.
Biology was pretty cool. Jess, Kaylee and Kate were looking up corny pick up lines. So funny. I nearly finished my Bio assignment, so stoked. Probably because I did my work today, and I'd done some in any spare time I had in classes today. I got A Midsummer Nights Dream for English today. Keen to be studying Shakespeare.
I keep having weird dreams about people. They're kinda funny. I wake up and go WTF?
Anywho, that's my exciting events for the weekend. OH! I'm listening to the CD's from the Duntroon Military Band. They're pretty freaking brilliant.
Love love,
Me x.
After these events I rang my dear friend Kayla, who continued asking questions to make sure I wasn't pissed off my face. I wasn't. Not unless KFC put something in their Solos. Then we went home and went to bed after packing a few more boxes.
Yesterday I went to Narooma with Miss Jen to do a management course for the footy club. It was pretty interesting, I learnt stuff about getting Sponsors, managing a club and how to use myfootyweb.com. It was good. And I borrowed nearly every type of tea under the sun from their Lipton Collection. Then we came home, and I spent the arvo with Jen and Glenn and managed to stay for Sunday Sippers. ILY drinks in the driveway.
So I've had a good couple of days.
Today was good fun. After an interrogation from Kayla, I proceeded to Religion, where Mrs H.C. told us about our assignments and we began Christianity. When she spoke about proper referencing to any sources we may use. I quietly asked "Miss but what if we don't have a Qur'an at home?" which sent Maddy into a small giggling fit. Then I noticed on the board that the French class that was in the room previous to us was learning about street names. "Rue Cheval" was the name of the street on the board. I laughed.
Biology was pretty cool. Jess, Kaylee and Kate were looking up corny pick up lines. So funny. I nearly finished my Bio assignment, so stoked. Probably because I did my work today, and I'd done some in any spare time I had in classes today. I got A Midsummer Nights Dream for English today. Keen to be studying Shakespeare.
I keep having weird dreams about people. They're kinda funny. I wake up and go WTF?
Anywho, that's my exciting events for the weekend. OH! I'm listening to the CD's from the Duntroon Military Band. They're pretty freaking brilliant.
Love love,
Me x.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
what next?
Haha. Man was I wrong in my blog last night. We ended up going shopping this morning and were in town from 10 til 3. I've only just finished writing my narrative and sing-song. Just have to do my rationale and I'm all done with assignments for this term. WOO!
So last night I doscovered that I don't like webcam very much. And when I go to bed, if I get a text message from Dyl, I manage to stay awake. Oh there's another thing. Dyl's awesome. Like me. We're awesome. Except I'm awesomer.
When we went shopping this morning, we went and got breaky at the bakehouse, and then we went and had a little looksy at Georgie's Fine Jewellery. Man does that place hurt your wallet. Anyways, we went and had a look at K-Mart, then we wandered around for a bit, ended up in Dick Smith's where Mum yelled at the guy behind the desk. I tried not to laugh. And then Mum saw Kim at GJ's and so I went and bought a top from Crossroads, a pair of shoes from K-Mart and an OJ from Kaileigh at GJ's.
When we left we stopped at the Ray White office in Sunshine Bay, where Mum and Elise (Bella's Mum) had a mass bitch. God it was funny. Then they abused Adam coz he's hungover from Long Beach party last night. And then we came home.
I had to get all the shit out from under the house. Stuff I haven't seen since we moved in. Good thing I have a crap back, otherwise it would've been really easy. Haha.
So after todays efforts I have accomplished the following:
-two new pairs of shoes
-a new shirt
-a fake pandora + 7 beads = $17
-Cheaper by the Dozen 1 and 2
-finished music and english
Oop, going to eat food.
Bonjour,
Me x
So last night I doscovered that I don't like webcam very much. And when I go to bed, if I get a text message from Dyl, I manage to stay awake. Oh there's another thing. Dyl's awesome. Like me. We're awesome. Except I'm awesomer.
When we went shopping this morning, we went and got breaky at the bakehouse, and then we went and had a little looksy at Georgie's Fine Jewellery. Man does that place hurt your wallet. Anyways, we went and had a look at K-Mart, then we wandered around for a bit, ended up in Dick Smith's where Mum yelled at the guy behind the desk. I tried not to laugh. And then Mum saw Kim at GJ's and so I went and bought a top from Crossroads, a pair of shoes from K-Mart and an OJ from Kaileigh at GJ's.
When we left we stopped at the Ray White office in Sunshine Bay, where Mum and Elise (Bella's Mum) had a mass bitch. God it was funny. Then they abused Adam coz he's hungover from Long Beach party last night. And then we came home.
I had to get all the shit out from under the house. Stuff I haven't seen since we moved in. Good thing I have a crap back, otherwise it would've been really easy. Haha.
So after todays efforts I have accomplished the following:
-two new pairs of shoes
-a new shirt
-a fake pandora + 7 beads = $17
-Cheaper by the Dozen 1 and 2
-finished music and english
Oop, going to eat food.
Bonjour,
Me x
Thursday, March 25, 2010
je suis une banane...
Loving life.
It seems to be when I force myself into the Resource Centre at lunch and recess, and get all my homework done in the breaks, that I can actually concentrate on assessments when I get home. I've nearly finished my music assignment, just have to do the process diary. English is sooo close to being done I can taste it. Just need to finish annotating and VOILA!! all is done.
I love Mrs Whiting. She gave us an extension on our CAFs Assignment coz we got it last week and didn't finish watching it until yesterday. And so the only time she could extend it until was WEEK 3 NEXT TERM!! Score!!
So my Saturday might not totally be filled with homework again. I might go for a walk. Take some time out. But I have to fold the washing. (N)
I can't help but be totally thrilled with myself at the moment. I'm back on top of my work. Just need to spend tomorrow doing a few English questions and I'm totally up to date. Minus the Taxation stuff. Actually, I might bin that. hmmm, brb...
So, what was I saying? Oh, Taxation? Budgeting? What?
Love Ke$ha right now. I need some dance music. I'm in a dancing mood, and it's not happening, I don't have good enough music. Hmm. And Biology assignment got extended until next term too. So loving life. We start moving into the new house soon. John's already planned everything. I'm gunna leave him a pillow and a blanket in my hammock with some cookies and milk. I'm not giving him a spare key though.
Only assignment I still have to work on is Hospo, and then get cracking with studying for exams.
Feeling pretty damn good. Kudos to me.
Anywho,
Au revoir mes amis,(yeah, I still remember some French)
Me x.
It seems to be when I force myself into the Resource Centre at lunch and recess, and get all my homework done in the breaks, that I can actually concentrate on assessments when I get home. I've nearly finished my music assignment, just have to do the process diary. English is sooo close to being done I can taste it. Just need to finish annotating and VOILA!! all is done.
I love Mrs Whiting. She gave us an extension on our CAFs Assignment coz we got it last week and didn't finish watching it until yesterday. And so the only time she could extend it until was WEEK 3 NEXT TERM!! Score!!
So my Saturday might not totally be filled with homework again. I might go for a walk. Take some time out. But I have to fold the washing. (N)
I can't help but be totally thrilled with myself at the moment. I'm back on top of my work. Just need to spend tomorrow doing a few English questions and I'm totally up to date. Minus the Taxation stuff. Actually, I might bin that. hmmm, brb...
So, what was I saying? Oh, Taxation? Budgeting? What?
Love Ke$ha right now. I need some dance music. I'm in a dancing mood, and it's not happening, I don't have good enough music. Hmm. And Biology assignment got extended until next term too. So loving life. We start moving into the new house soon. John's already planned everything. I'm gunna leave him a pillow and a blanket in my hammock with some cookies and milk. I'm not giving him a spare key though.
Only assignment I still have to work on is Hospo, and then get cracking with studying for exams.
Feeling pretty damn good. Kudos to me.
Anywho,
Au revoir mes amis,(yeah, I still remember some French)
Me x.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
i don't like not nearly being hit in the head five times a day...
You're damned if you do damned if you don't. It's just the way the world works really.
Anywho. I'd like to know who actually reads this thing. So if you are, say hurrow. I like to think that everyone reads it, but it'd be nice to know for sure who does.
Anyway. OHMYGOD. Got my Maths test mark back today. Wait for it... 76%!! When Mrs Harris showed me that I was like WOAH!! First time I've passed in like forever. I got a bit dizzy after that.
I had a dream last night that a Hobo stole my wallet out of the back seat of my car. It was weird. Um. I have a headache. And now I'm rambling. On Saturday I was gunna go to Moruya, and then I was gunna go to Lake Conjola, but now I'm going to sit at home because I have Music and English Assignments due on Tuesday and I am nowhere near finished. So there goes Saturday. Sunday will probs be washing. Again.
We move into Rosedale on the 10th of April, which is also Amplify and Footy Jumper presentation. So I might be in a bit of a situation. :(
I'm really starting to enjoy Hospo, and CAFs. I'm even finding the theory side of hospo pretty interesting, which is a bonus.
I have a friend who nearly hits me in the head everyday. It's just his way of saying hello. It's just become something I've adjusted to. And today and yesterday it hasn't happened, and I'm starting to think something must be wrong. I dunno. I just kinda miss it is all.
I'm bored.
Ciao,
Me x.
Anywho. I'd like to know who actually reads this thing. So if you are, say hurrow. I like to think that everyone reads it, but it'd be nice to know for sure who does.
Anyway. OHMYGOD. Got my Maths test mark back today. Wait for it... 76%!! When Mrs Harris showed me that I was like WOAH!! First time I've passed in like forever. I got a bit dizzy after that.
I had a dream last night that a Hobo stole my wallet out of the back seat of my car. It was weird. Um. I have a headache. And now I'm rambling. On Saturday I was gunna go to Moruya, and then I was gunna go to Lake Conjola, but now I'm going to sit at home because I have Music and English Assignments due on Tuesday and I am nowhere near finished. So there goes Saturday. Sunday will probs be washing. Again.
We move into Rosedale on the 10th of April, which is also Amplify and Footy Jumper presentation. So I might be in a bit of a situation. :(
I'm really starting to enjoy Hospo, and CAFs. I'm even finding the theory side of hospo pretty interesting, which is a bonus.
I have a friend who nearly hits me in the head everyday. It's just his way of saying hello. It's just become something I've adjusted to. And today and yesterday it hasn't happened, and I'm starting to think something must be wrong. I dunno. I just kinda miss it is all.
I'm bored.
Ciao,
Me x.
Monday, March 22, 2010
you messed wit the wrong pussy...
I would like to know why my clock says 9:36pm?
Seems I didn't write about our retreat yesterday. It was pretty good. Mrs Lovell did this 20 minute meditation thing. I fell asleep. And we got good things written about us on the back of our booklet. They were pretty good. Most along the lines of:
-"gorgeous personality. so easy to get along with."
-"stunning, beautiful. inside and out. Always be yourself. x"
-"Great personality. Always mase a valuable contribution."
-"You are strong and a kind person."
-"Very smart and kind."
-"self-aware and strong, friendly and personable."
And my favourite:
-"Absolutely amazing little helper. You've made me happy to be ur friend. xo"
And then we had burgers and I had a laughing fit. I haven't had one in years. I couldn't breathe and my stomach was so sore.
The ladies AFL training started again last week. Keen as bean for our first game. ANZAC Day (which is actually being held on the Saturday). and we play Ulladulla. Yeha!
Um, today wasn't too bad. Went really slowly. Religion and CAFs dragged on. Biology wasn't too bad. I sat in the library as opposed to C5 coz I knew I'd get dirstacted, and did my work. English, didn't doo too much. And then we got to wear PANTS!! in hospo. Yay. And we made Bombe Alaska. Fook is that shit sweet. And sickly sweet. Next week we're gunna make "Gourmet Steak Sammiches." Keen for lunch next Tuesday.
What else is interesting?
Eh, that's bout it actually. I have a CAFs Speech due on Friday. Totally, absolutely screwed. Music, can just go grrrr. English I'm ready for. That's pretty much done. YAY!!
Oopp. ciao i miei amici.
xx
Seems I didn't write about our retreat yesterday. It was pretty good. Mrs Lovell did this 20 minute meditation thing. I fell asleep. And we got good things written about us on the back of our booklet. They were pretty good. Most along the lines of:
-"gorgeous personality. so easy to get along with."
-"stunning, beautiful. inside and out. Always be yourself. x"
-"Great personality. Always mase a valuable contribution."
-"You are strong and a kind person."
-"Very smart and kind."
-"self-aware and strong, friendly and personable."
And my favourite:
-"Absolutely amazing little helper. You've made me happy to be ur friend. xo"
And then we had burgers and I had a laughing fit. I haven't had one in years. I couldn't breathe and my stomach was so sore.
The ladies AFL training started again last week. Keen as bean for our first game. ANZAC Day (which is actually being held on the Saturday). and we play Ulladulla. Yeha!
Um, today wasn't too bad. Went really slowly. Religion and CAFs dragged on. Biology wasn't too bad. I sat in the library as opposed to C5 coz I knew I'd get dirstacted, and did my work. English, didn't doo too much. And then we got to wear PANTS!! in hospo. Yay. And we made Bombe Alaska. Fook is that shit sweet. And sickly sweet. Next week we're gunna make "Gourmet Steak Sammiches." Keen for lunch next Tuesday.
What else is interesting?
Eh, that's bout it actually. I have a CAFs Speech due on Friday. Totally, absolutely screwed. Music, can just go grrrr. English I'm ready for. That's pretty much done. YAY!!
Oopp. ciao i miei amici.
xx
Sunday, March 21, 2010
nou se mond la...
So at the moment I'm sitting in my neglected hammock taking in the view. It's cooling off outside and the sunset is very nice. I have red stained hands from making the Soda Stream drink that tastes like creaming soda and vodka, but overpowered by the vodka. I guess I'm only just beginning to realise how much I'm oing to miss it here, but how much I'm looking forward to being surrounded by the bush.
I think sitting here is giving me a totally different view on life. That I don't actually have it too bad. I'm sorry for the shit I've caused, and any that I will cause. I'm grateful for the shit I've been through, for showing me who I am and how strong I can be. If anyone hasn't heard Fighter by Christina Agueliera, should. And in the words of the great Dylan Moran, "This song is all about me." Vodka tasting drinking in hand and all. God it tastes like crap.
What else? I just squashed a mosquito and the bats have shown face. Crap. I have this friend who has friends who have shown interest in another friend of mine and that original friend isn't too happy with their friends about the other friend.
I also adore We Are The World for Haiti. It gives me goose bumps. You should have a listen, if you haven't already. And I also very very much love Wyclef Jean too. He did a cover of Knocking On Heavens Door, which sounds like a regae version. Love it. Listen to that. And Celine Dion. (L) And Josh Groban. ILY.
Awe crap. A lovely big black cloud just showed up and covered up the pink. And I'm being attacked by mosquitoes. I love the rap bit of We Are The World.
Anywho, I'm being attacked by mossies in ridiculous force.
TTFN, ta ta for now,
Me x.
I think sitting here is giving me a totally different view on life. That I don't actually have it too bad. I'm sorry for the shit I've caused, and any that I will cause. I'm grateful for the shit I've been through, for showing me who I am and how strong I can be. If anyone hasn't heard Fighter by Christina Agueliera, should. And in the words of the great Dylan Moran, "This song is all about me." Vodka tasting drinking in hand and all. God it tastes like crap.
What else? I just squashed a mosquito and the bats have shown face. Crap. I have this friend who has friends who have shown interest in another friend of mine and that original friend isn't too happy with their friends about the other friend.
I also adore We Are The World for Haiti. It gives me goose bumps. You should have a listen, if you haven't already. And I also very very much love Wyclef Jean too. He did a cover of Knocking On Heavens Door, which sounds like a regae version. Love it. Listen to that. And Celine Dion. (L) And Josh Groban. ILY.
Awe crap. A lovely big black cloud just showed up and covered up the pink. And I'm being attacked by mosquitoes. I love the rap bit of We Are The World.
Anywho, I'm being attacked by mossies in ridiculous force.
TTFN, ta ta for now,
Me x.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
remember me on your way out...
I have just realised something. I have completely lost track of what day it is. My past week has been a muddled up mess in my mind as to what day it is. I don't know what brought this on, but it's starting to give me the poops.
I hate seeing and hearing that my friends are miserable. I read their blogs and occasionally their faces and just know that they're completely torn up inside. And it makes me sad know that I don't know how to or can't help them. I've tried and I think all I can do now is to let them know that I'm here for them and give them some space. And if and when they're ready, they can talk to me.
A whole people don't trust me. And that makes me sad too. That people don't think that they can trust me. I know that there are some who don't trust people too easily, and maybe I trust people way too easily, because there seems to be a whole heap of people who know far too much about me.
All I have to say to these people is, do what you think will make you happy. If I can't help, I won't I'll just let you know that I'm here for you.
And these days I am over tired. I'm not going to bed when I should be, and instead I stay up in the hope that someone may talk to me and listen to music. But when the music loses its touch and I haven't spoken to anyone the whole time I've been waiting, I give in and go to bed.
Why can't I help? Why can't I seem to hold anything together? Why do I cry over pointless, pathetic things? Why so many questions? Why do I get myself so worked up? What's the purpose of me going through so many matches and candles? What is it with candles that I love so much? Why is it that songs remind you of a particular moment in time? Why can't I breathe properly? Why do my back and neck hurt all the time? Why do I never get massages? Why am I always giving massages? Why am I so tense? Why do I feel sick all the time? Why do I have a shit immune system? Why is it that because I pictured us living in Rosedale so hard that it's now going to become a reality? How do I have the best people as my friends? Why do I deserve them? What is going to happen in the future? Why can't I see a Clairvoyant to tell me that everything is going to be fine? Why can't i know that I am going to be happy? Why do movies set out unrealistic views on love? Why do they put in the minds of young people everywhere that you'll fall in love and everything will be fine and dandy? Why is it that I know what I want, but can't have it? Why is it that I have been in love and it has ended with my heart broken?(Yeah, I have a heart, and I cleverly set it on a guy whom I never spoke to.) What is love? And why does it hurt so much? Why is there so much pain? Why do the worst things happen to the best people?
If anyone has any answer for me, please let me know, because I am completely lost.
I'm off to bed.
Sleep sweet,
Me x.
I hate seeing and hearing that my friends are miserable. I read their blogs and occasionally their faces and just know that they're completely torn up inside. And it makes me sad know that I don't know how to or can't help them. I've tried and I think all I can do now is to let them know that I'm here for them and give them some space. And if and when they're ready, they can talk to me.
A whole people don't trust me. And that makes me sad too. That people don't think that they can trust me. I know that there are some who don't trust people too easily, and maybe I trust people way too easily, because there seems to be a whole heap of people who know far too much about me.
All I have to say to these people is, do what you think will make you happy. If I can't help, I won't I'll just let you know that I'm here for you.
And these days I am over tired. I'm not going to bed when I should be, and instead I stay up in the hope that someone may talk to me and listen to music. But when the music loses its touch and I haven't spoken to anyone the whole time I've been waiting, I give in and go to bed.
Why can't I help? Why can't I seem to hold anything together? Why do I cry over pointless, pathetic things? Why so many questions? Why do I get myself so worked up? What's the purpose of me going through so many matches and candles? What is it with candles that I love so much? Why is it that songs remind you of a particular moment in time? Why can't I breathe properly? Why do my back and neck hurt all the time? Why do I never get massages? Why am I always giving massages? Why am I so tense? Why do I feel sick all the time? Why do I have a shit immune system? Why is it that because I pictured us living in Rosedale so hard that it's now going to become a reality? How do I have the best people as my friends? Why do I deserve them? What is going to happen in the future? Why can't I see a Clairvoyant to tell me that everything is going to be fine? Why can't i know that I am going to be happy? Why do movies set out unrealistic views on love? Why do they put in the minds of young people everywhere that you'll fall in love and everything will be fine and dandy? Why is it that I know what I want, but can't have it? Why is it that I have been in love and it has ended with my heart broken?(Yeah, I have a heart, and I cleverly set it on a guy whom I never spoke to.) What is love? And why does it hurt so much? Why is there so much pain? Why do the worst things happen to the best people?
If anyone has any answer for me, please let me know, because I am completely lost.
I'm off to bed.
Sleep sweet,
Me x.
bright star...
"Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art--
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors--
No--yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever--or else swoon to death."
-John Keats.
Today Hannah and I went and watched Bright Star today. It was a movie based on the life of John Keats and his fiancee. It was brilliant, but terribly sad.
OHMYJESUS!!! Watching Supernatural, a guy just ripped Sam's fingernail off.
So at the moment I have a slight obsession with John Keats. We watched that movie by default. It was the only one on at a decent time for us, and we hadn't heard about it so we were just like, eh what the hell, let's go and see that one.
Hahahaha. There was just a Swingers Club add on the TV.
Anywho. I have this one friend, who seems to be mighty sad all the time. But is pretty freaking good at hiding it. Don't worry, you come find me when you're ready and we can talk. :)
Haha, Sam put air fresheners on the Christmas tree.
Mum left me the Red Curry. Great. Without rice or noodles or sour cream. Fan-tastic.
G'night blogger.
Love,
Me x.
P.S. We move in to our new house next week!! Eeee!
P.P.S. Don't be sorry. We all love you.
P.P.P.S. You're a selfish butthead.
Friday, March 19, 2010
rice bubbles and milo.
Today was weird. I was on a constant mood change. I'd be on a high for a few minutes and then feel like crap.
Where to start, a lecture from Mum, and then a pissed off walk to the bus stop. Then I got to school and had a cheese sammich and a hot milo. Nardy makes a good sammich. Bio was fun, we had to do population thing on counters. Then Kate and Lauchlan started flicking counters around the room. Then we went to hospo and got our uniforms.
Bec attacked John at recess because he put her steamroller down his pants. God it was funny. Double music was pretty boring again. Working out the bass line to Moondance on piano. Tricky. Lunch got pretty depressing. Maths test. Fail. Completely forgot how to do factorising. CAFs we started watching Cheaper by the Dozen. Got a text of Mum. Definitely moving to Rosedale. Probs will start moving in next week. Mighty exciting.
And then I came home and slept for a few hours and sent off my English narrative. I wrote 2000 words and still hadn't finished. I have alot of culling to do. Then we had Thai for dinner and now I feel sick.
Been reading a few peoples blogs and it seems everyone these days has hit a rough patch. Ally put it to me yesterday that maybe I have to get through the hard shit at the beginning of my life so that the rest of it will be happy. I'd like to know when the happy part starts coz lately I've been freaking miserable. We didn't go to Wagga today because we're moving house and that got me mighty sad. I was looking forward to going up for this weekend for ages and now we aren't and I cried. Alot.
Seems these days no matter what I say, it makes someone angry or upset, and whatever I do never seems to be enough. So instead of trying to help people, I'm just going to look after myself. I've tried helping people but it never seems to help and so I've given up on trying. Do what you think will make you happy.
I'm in love with Rice Bubbles. I had two bowls when I got home from school. And milo. J'adore Milo. Rice Bubbles and Milo. Perfect afternoon tea. :)
Anywho, I'm terribly tired and think it best be time I head for the pillow.
Good night cruel world. And these days, instead of being a joke like it was when I was little, seems more fact than fiction. Keen to start Shakespeare next term.
Much love,
Me x.
Where to start, a lecture from Mum, and then a pissed off walk to the bus stop. Then I got to school and had a cheese sammich and a hot milo. Nardy makes a good sammich. Bio was fun, we had to do population thing on counters. Then Kate and Lauchlan started flicking counters around the room. Then we went to hospo and got our uniforms.
Bec attacked John at recess because he put her steamroller down his pants. God it was funny. Double music was pretty boring again. Working out the bass line to Moondance on piano. Tricky. Lunch got pretty depressing. Maths test. Fail. Completely forgot how to do factorising. CAFs we started watching Cheaper by the Dozen. Got a text of Mum. Definitely moving to Rosedale. Probs will start moving in next week. Mighty exciting.
And then I came home and slept for a few hours and sent off my English narrative. I wrote 2000 words and still hadn't finished. I have alot of culling to do. Then we had Thai for dinner and now I feel sick.
Been reading a few peoples blogs and it seems everyone these days has hit a rough patch. Ally put it to me yesterday that maybe I have to get through the hard shit at the beginning of my life so that the rest of it will be happy. I'd like to know when the happy part starts coz lately I've been freaking miserable. We didn't go to Wagga today because we're moving house and that got me mighty sad. I was looking forward to going up for this weekend for ages and now we aren't and I cried. Alot.
Seems these days no matter what I say, it makes someone angry or upset, and whatever I do never seems to be enough. So instead of trying to help people, I'm just going to look after myself. I've tried helping people but it never seems to help and so I've given up on trying. Do what you think will make you happy.
I'm in love with Rice Bubbles. I had two bowls when I got home from school. And milo. J'adore Milo. Rice Bubbles and Milo. Perfect afternoon tea. :)
Anywho, I'm terribly tired and think it best be time I head for the pillow.
Good night cruel world. And these days, instead of being a joke like it was when I was little, seems more fact than fiction. Keen to start Shakespeare next term.
Much love,
Me x.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
c'est la vie...
I thought I might start with a poem I saw in the office where Mum works occasionally>
Sometimes you cry and noone will see your tears.
Sometimes when you're worried, noone will see your pain.
Sometimes when you're happy, noone will see your smile.
But fart just once...
It made me laugh.
So today was pretty okay, I guess. Double Maths was alright, we got to work at our own pace and do what we could, instead of going through two or three topics in one lesson. It was nice to do just one in a double. Then we had double CAFs where we had to do more notes on Resource Management. Everyone has been rushing to try and get all of that done so that we can watch Cheaper By the Dozen on Friday. English was good. I got a start on my narrative, which I now 907 words out of a possible 2000. Ans I'm not even half way through it yet. SOR was boring. We had to research a famous person who has done something in the world.
With the information we got from our research we had to put it into an interview. Part of Isaacs was:
"What is your most interesting story?"
"Well that's an interesting story. I shot an infedel in the face, and blood spattered all over my wifes new burka that I bought for her."
Dyl and I were in hysterics, Mrs Harold-Carter didn't think it was to funny.
WOOO! I'm heaading to Wagga on Friday arvo. Getting keen. Going up for the Relay For Life. My second. I had an absolute ball last time I did it and am pretty keen to do it with the Wagga crew.
I'm getting keen to move actually. Should be good. Except that Mum won't decide on a freakin house already. Pretty sure we might end up at Rosedale. And NO BRADY AND JOHN YOU CAN NOT BLOW UP MY MAILBOX!!
This is some of my English Narrative:
"As the men continued marching, my son turned to glance at me our final goodbye. Tears in his fearful eyes screamed for me. They beckoned me, pleading for me to come to his rescue and save him from his fate unknown. My son turned again and marched with his new comrades, down the dusty roads that would lead to the airport that would take them to the glorious city of Beijing. My heart stopped and I kept silent as the other ladies, mothers, wives, fiancée’s, partners, daughters and aunties stood and wept, announcing their everlasting love for the families they fare welled. The dust that their boots kicked up covered and erased the men from the lives of the women they left behind."
Love,
Me x
Sometimes you cry and noone will see your tears.
Sometimes when you're worried, noone will see your pain.
Sometimes when you're happy, noone will see your smile.
But fart just once...
It made me laugh.
So today was pretty okay, I guess. Double Maths was alright, we got to work at our own pace and do what we could, instead of going through two or three topics in one lesson. It was nice to do just one in a double. Then we had double CAFs where we had to do more notes on Resource Management. Everyone has been rushing to try and get all of that done so that we can watch Cheaper By the Dozen on Friday. English was good. I got a start on my narrative, which I now 907 words out of a possible 2000. Ans I'm not even half way through it yet. SOR was boring. We had to research a famous person who has done something in the world.
With the information we got from our research we had to put it into an interview. Part of Isaacs was:
"What is your most interesting story?"
"Well that's an interesting story. I shot an infedel in the face, and blood spattered all over my wifes new burka that I bought for her."
Dyl and I were in hysterics, Mrs Harold-Carter didn't think it was to funny.
WOOO! I'm heaading to Wagga on Friday arvo. Getting keen. Going up for the Relay For Life. My second. I had an absolute ball last time I did it and am pretty keen to do it with the Wagga crew.
I'm getting keen to move actually. Should be good. Except that Mum won't decide on a freakin house already. Pretty sure we might end up at Rosedale. And NO BRADY AND JOHN YOU CAN NOT BLOW UP MY MAILBOX!!
This is some of my English Narrative:
"As the men continued marching, my son turned to glance at me our final goodbye. Tears in his fearful eyes screamed for me. They beckoned me, pleading for me to come to his rescue and save him from his fate unknown. My son turned again and marched with his new comrades, down the dusty roads that would lead to the airport that would take them to the glorious city of Beijing. My heart stopped and I kept silent as the other ladies, mothers, wives, fiancée’s, partners, daughters and aunties stood and wept, announcing their everlasting love for the families they fare welled. The dust that their boots kicked up covered and erased the men from the lives of the women they left behind."
Love,
Me x
Sunday, March 14, 2010
fuck society.
You can't fucking please everyone. Some people just don't get, that outside my friendship group. I close up. I'm shy like people wouldn't understand. Sure I get along with everyone, but there are a few people I can't talk to. People in my classes I can talk to because I'm becoming more comfortable around them. But the people who aren't, I can't seem to connect with, even on the slightest level. And now, there's been a group created that's been going for a couple of days, and already, there's controversy of the way the group is going to end up.
I think just for a few days I need to break away from contact from everyone, sit by myself and clear my head. I love my friends and I always make an effort to get along with everone. But sometimes, it just never seems to be enough.
And one of the things that pisses me off is the 'music student' label. I'd like to publicly make this clear. WHEN WE MISS CLASS, WE HAVE TO CATCH UP. If we miss out on class, it's more pressure on us to get the work down and be up to date. And the students who do the extra-curricular activities are generally more respected by the teachers, because they know that anyone who can keep up with their work if they miss out on it can cope. Personally, it pisses me off that people are always going on about it and they need to get a grip. Last years Variety Concert. There were seven of us who were there all day everyday helping. We moved stages, set up, packed up and put everything back. I don't know if people can actually fathom how exhausted we were. Especially thoseof us who were there until midnight every night cleaning up and fixing things for the next.
I know the musical is coming up, and I intend on being involved in that. It goes for a week and everyone involved has a fantastic time. This'll be my last musical at Carroll College and I intend of having a good time. But with this enjoyment, I'm mentally and physically preparing myself for the ridiculous amounts of homework I'm going to have to catch up on. Being involved with things like the musical or even school liturgies or assemblies is extra pressure on us as musicians to perform well so that everything that we do is enjoyable for the audience.
I don't know how much people actually appreciate how much effort is put into these events, but it pisses me off that they can go around and say that 'music students' don't do anything becuse this is just fucking bull shit and everyone who thinks that what we do is easy needs to come along and have a good hard look at what is actually done.
Some fucking people need to grow up. I'm just so fucking angry at the moment I just want to hit something. brb...
Righteo. F*CKING HELL!!!
Okay, so now that I have that off my chest. I'm shy out of my comfort zone, I get all weird and I can feel that I send out weird vibes. Not intentionally but I haven't been put in those positions very often, and I'm working on my self esteem. One thing that I think will help heaps will be when we move. I'm gunna work on my self image and I'm gunna work of being more open and honest with people letting them know who I really am and what I'm really like. I'm sick of hiding who I am. The expectations of society today shape who we are and it sucks.
So, fuck society, as of our move, I will be me.
Fuck the world, I will be me, and I will do what I want.
I think just for a few days I need to break away from contact from everyone, sit by myself and clear my head. I love my friends and I always make an effort to get along with everone. But sometimes, it just never seems to be enough.
And one of the things that pisses me off is the 'music student' label. I'd like to publicly make this clear. WHEN WE MISS CLASS, WE HAVE TO CATCH UP. If we miss out on class, it's more pressure on us to get the work down and be up to date. And the students who do the extra-curricular activities are generally more respected by the teachers, because they know that anyone who can keep up with their work if they miss out on it can cope. Personally, it pisses me off that people are always going on about it and they need to get a grip. Last years Variety Concert. There were seven of us who were there all day everyday helping. We moved stages, set up, packed up and put everything back. I don't know if people can actually fathom how exhausted we were. Especially thoseof us who were there until midnight every night cleaning up and fixing things for the next.
I know the musical is coming up, and I intend on being involved in that. It goes for a week and everyone involved has a fantastic time. This'll be my last musical at Carroll College and I intend of having a good time. But with this enjoyment, I'm mentally and physically preparing myself for the ridiculous amounts of homework I'm going to have to catch up on. Being involved with things like the musical or even school liturgies or assemblies is extra pressure on us as musicians to perform well so that everything that we do is enjoyable for the audience.
I don't know how much people actually appreciate how much effort is put into these events, but it pisses me off that they can go around and say that 'music students' don't do anything becuse this is just fucking bull shit and everyone who thinks that what we do is easy needs to come along and have a good hard look at what is actually done.
Some fucking people need to grow up. I'm just so fucking angry at the moment I just want to hit something. brb...
Righteo. F*CKING HELL!!!
Okay, so now that I have that off my chest. I'm shy out of my comfort zone, I get all weird and I can feel that I send out weird vibes. Not intentionally but I haven't been put in those positions very often, and I'm working on my self esteem. One thing that I think will help heaps will be when we move. I'm gunna work on my self image and I'm gunna work of being more open and honest with people letting them know who I really am and what I'm really like. I'm sick of hiding who I am. The expectations of society today shape who we are and it sucks.
So, fuck society, as of our move, I will be me.
Fuck the world, I will be me, and I will do what I want.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
choices.
Gah. We went and had a look at this house at "Ocean View Estate". It's near Catalina, and the name lies. The house we looked at didn't have ocean views. False advertising I tell you. It's stoopid.
Babysitting last night was good fun. A set of twins, 6 boys and everyone aged from 0 to 15 or 16. It was good fun. Before any of the kids arrived we got a run down of what to do from the bride. The Best Man then told us that if we had any trouble just to knock the kids out with some Vodka and if we felt it necessary, hit them all we wanted. Thankfully, we didn't need to. This time round it was more fun because we had our hands full what with looking after a twin, calming babies down as their parents left them in our "capable" hands and bribing boys with dessert to be quiet and calm. It worked. We made 5 year old boys quiet and twins girls fly and giggle the evilest little giggle in the world. The money we earned felt more worth it than the last time.
Instead of finishing at midnight, like I thought we would, we finished at 10. The Groom checked with Kayla and I how old we were. After telling him that we're only 16, he withdrew his offer of inviting us down for a drink and offered Karaoke instead. We gracefully declined after letting him know that I don't sing. Ha. So we helped clean up abit and headed to Brendan's place. Sat and watched Midsummer Murder and had a cup of tea while I was reading a Gourmet Traveller magazine on Greek Cuisine, correcting everything they got wrong. I made Kayla pissy. And then we went to bed.
We woke up about 9.30 and went for a walk to the Muffin Shop, came back, went through photos, listened to the Triple J Top 100 or whatever it is and headed down to the beach. Last time I'd been at Brou we were having photos taken and mucking around. This time I got knee deep into the sand and hunted for shells and pippis. So we wandered back to the car with a pocketful of shells and went home. Mum came, we went into town. Went over to Surfside to drop a sisters friend off. On our way home we went and had a geeze at the house in "Ocean View Estate" that was 'fore mentioned. It's nice and now I don't really care if we go to Rosedale or "Ocean View" that place. But I'd much rather Rosedale to be honest.
I also found out today that I am rather easy to read. And that sucks. Alot. Oh well, worse shit in the world's happened. Brendan (Kayla's Dad) thought this was hilarious.
Anywho, now I have to try and get through what's left of my continually growing mountain of homework.
Love,
Me. x.
Babysitting last night was good fun. A set of twins, 6 boys and everyone aged from 0 to 15 or 16. It was good fun. Before any of the kids arrived we got a run down of what to do from the bride. The Best Man then told us that if we had any trouble just to knock the kids out with some Vodka and if we felt it necessary, hit them all we wanted. Thankfully, we didn't need to. This time round it was more fun because we had our hands full what with looking after a twin, calming babies down as their parents left them in our "capable" hands and bribing boys with dessert to be quiet and calm. It worked. We made 5 year old boys quiet and twins girls fly and giggle the evilest little giggle in the world. The money we earned felt more worth it than the last time.
Instead of finishing at midnight, like I thought we would, we finished at 10. The Groom checked with Kayla and I how old we were. After telling him that we're only 16, he withdrew his offer of inviting us down for a drink and offered Karaoke instead. We gracefully declined after letting him know that I don't sing. Ha. So we helped clean up abit and headed to Brendan's place. Sat and watched Midsummer Murder and had a cup of tea while I was reading a Gourmet Traveller magazine on Greek Cuisine, correcting everything they got wrong. I made Kayla pissy. And then we went to bed.
We woke up about 9.30 and went for a walk to the Muffin Shop, came back, went through photos, listened to the Triple J Top 100 or whatever it is and headed down to the beach. Last time I'd been at Brou we were having photos taken and mucking around. This time I got knee deep into the sand and hunted for shells and pippis. So we wandered back to the car with a pocketful of shells and went home. Mum came, we went into town. Went over to Surfside to drop a sisters friend off. On our way home we went and had a geeze at the house in "Ocean View Estate" that was 'fore mentioned. It's nice and now I don't really care if we go to Rosedale or "Ocean View" that place. But I'd much rather Rosedale to be honest.
I also found out today that I am rather easy to read. And that sucks. Alot. Oh well, worse shit in the world's happened. Brendan (Kayla's Dad) thought this was hilarious.
Anywho, now I have to try and get through what's left of my continually growing mountain of homework.
Love,
Me. x.
Friday, March 12, 2010
hogs breath
So I'm fair keen for tonight. Babysitting with Kayla again.
This morning I woke up with full intentions of sitting and chugging through my homework. I was up at 9, finished off the washing and made a start on my mountain of homework. Considering I hadn't done any Maths homework for a while, I thought I shouold start with that. At 11 Mum came downstairs and told me that we were leaving for lunch then and there. I did my 5 minute change into something for lunch and tripped on a pair of thongs rushing out the door.
So we went to Hogs Breath for lunch and I had the Byron Bay Grill thing that set my mouth on fire. It had a Chilli hottness rating of 7 out of 10. So clever me thinking it wouldn't be too bad ordered it. All was good in the end when I got one of my sisters friends ice-cream to cool my mouth off.
Mum and I spent the next 2 hours in the Pearly Oyster Bar where she does book keeping. Anywho, now I'm getting ready to head off with Kayla in 15 minutes.
Turns out in my blog last night, that person I was talking about, didn't know who they were. YAY!! And that's how I plan to keep it.
Anyways, I'm out.
Me. xx
This morning I woke up with full intentions of sitting and chugging through my homework. I was up at 9, finished off the washing and made a start on my mountain of homework. Considering I hadn't done any Maths homework for a while, I thought I shouold start with that. At 11 Mum came downstairs and told me that we were leaving for lunch then and there. I did my 5 minute change into something for lunch and tripped on a pair of thongs rushing out the door.
So we went to Hogs Breath for lunch and I had the Byron Bay Grill thing that set my mouth on fire. It had a Chilli hottness rating of 7 out of 10. So clever me thinking it wouldn't be too bad ordered it. All was good in the end when I got one of my sisters friends ice-cream to cool my mouth off.
Mum and I spent the next 2 hours in the Pearly Oyster Bar where she does book keeping. Anywho, now I'm getting ready to head off with Kayla in 15 minutes.
Turns out in my blog last night, that person I was talking about, didn't know who they were. YAY!! And that's how I plan to keep it.
Anyways, I'm out.
Me. xx
rosedale.
So I'm writing a blog. Happy now Dyl?
So I've found this absolutely beautiful cover of Moondance by Van Morrison on piano that was in August Rush that I really want to do for my assessment. For my Jazz piece I think. If not I want to have a look in the book that Bridget had today in Music and have a flick through for a song. I dunno, I'll work out what I'm gunna do for them eventually. Probably night before like always.
I made dinner last night. Chicken in Honey. Only problem was that I super cooked the chicken and I couldn't eat it all. 'Twas nice though.
I would also like to let a particular person know a little something(you know who you are). Don't say that nobody loves you. I do. I love you and you should always keep it in your mind.
Haha, there's money rolling around in the bottom of the dryer. I can here it. :) I know where that's going straight to.
So next month we have to move out of this house that we've been in for what will be 5 and a half years. I'm gunna miss it, and at the moment, I don't know where I'll be at the end of April. Scary thought actually. There's this house that we went and had a look at first thing this morning in Rosedale. It is gorgeous. It's little and blue, has four bedrooms, and is about 200, if that, metres away from the beach. I really reallly hope we get that, and I will deffo cry if we don't.
So I don't really know what else to write at the moment. I had a good day. Mrs Lyttle doesn't fill the Milo's up in the morning very well. The best toasted cheese sandwiches come from Nards, Enfield and Richards. And Campbell didn't do too bad this morning either.
Um, what else. Today was fun. I scared Brady. I sat on his knee. CAFs was full of laughing again today. I got Vegemite on my shirt. Thanks Kayla. Apparently my noodles today smelt like Cat pee. I didn't think they did. Brady bought me lunch. :) Thanks Brady. Alex didn't do "WATAHED!!!" in Maths again.
Eh, I spose that'll do, I'll write another one if I remember other stuffs.
Much love,
Me. x
p.s. i really do love you. :)
So I've found this absolutely beautiful cover of Moondance by Van Morrison on piano that was in August Rush that I really want to do for my assessment. For my Jazz piece I think. If not I want to have a look in the book that Bridget had today in Music and have a flick through for a song. I dunno, I'll work out what I'm gunna do for them eventually. Probably night before like always.
I made dinner last night. Chicken in Honey. Only problem was that I super cooked the chicken and I couldn't eat it all. 'Twas nice though.
I would also like to let a particular person know a little something(you know who you are). Don't say that nobody loves you. I do. I love you and you should always keep it in your mind.
Haha, there's money rolling around in the bottom of the dryer. I can here it. :) I know where that's going straight to.
So next month we have to move out of this house that we've been in for what will be 5 and a half years. I'm gunna miss it, and at the moment, I don't know where I'll be at the end of April. Scary thought actually. There's this house that we went and had a look at first thing this morning in Rosedale. It is gorgeous. It's little and blue, has four bedrooms, and is about 200, if that, metres away from the beach. I really reallly hope we get that, and I will deffo cry if we don't.
So I don't really know what else to write at the moment. I had a good day. Mrs Lyttle doesn't fill the Milo's up in the morning very well. The best toasted cheese sandwiches come from Nards, Enfield and Richards. And Campbell didn't do too bad this morning either.
Um, what else. Today was fun. I scared Brady. I sat on his knee. CAFs was full of laughing again today. I got Vegemite on my shirt. Thanks Kayla. Apparently my noodles today smelt like Cat pee. I didn't think they did. Brady bought me lunch. :) Thanks Brady. Alex didn't do "WATAHED!!!" in Maths again.
Eh, I spose that'll do, I'll write another one if I remember other stuffs.
Much love,
Me. x
p.s. i really do love you. :)
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
some people can surprise you, if you give them the chance.
I can't help anymore. I've talked people out of unspeakable things. But when I was asked to do it again, I physically couldn't bring myself to do it again. It hurts too much.
The past couple of days has seen so many tears shed. Today seemed to drag on. Time taking its toll on everyone. Six words, that seemed to shatter my world today. "I love you. Never forget that." They killed me inside. I wanted to fall onto the ground and scream like a two year old. But I couldn't. I was in an office and am sixteen, not two.
As hard as the days have been lately, something inside me is saying cherish them. They're numbered. And as much as I try to be happy and hold it together in front of people, I can't. I manage most of the time, but lately it's just been way too hard.
I was handed a letter today that confused me to start with, but after talking about it with a good old friend of mine, we discovered that there has to be some sort of underlying meaning behind it.
Time just seems to be a way for the Universe to say "Get this up ya!" And it works. It rips and tears and I feel worse and worse everyday. What am I supposed to do if they disappear? What will I become if she leaves? How am I going to react to questions being asked? What will my friends think of me?
What do my friends think of me now? The one question that always seems to be floating in my mind all the time. Do they really love me? Or is that just some ploy to make me happy? Do my friends want me around? Or are they just being nice? I'm not totally sure of this, but that's what I've gotten out of the past few days. And with all the crap I've been through, I'm not totally trusting with friends. Sure I can talk to them, but can I tell them absolutely everything? Can I trust them to be around when I need them the most.
I have this one friend. They seem to always be able to make me smile, no matter how shit I'm feeling. And while I've been comforting them, I found them today comforting me. This was so strange. I'm usually the one lending the shoulder to cry on. Very rarely do I need this in return. And a shoulder lent from a person I rarely speak to. Even the smallest things these days are setting me off.
I have this teddy that I bought myself for Valentines Day, and lately, it's been a symbol of my friends. Each day it's someone new. Each day I kiss it on the head and thank God that I have the most amazing people in my life.
Some people don't realise how much a hug can say. And I know they can be awkward, but when people need them, they need them. As a sign of affection and friendship.
Anywho, I think I've depressed enough.
Love, love,
Me. xx
"p.s. i love you x "
The past couple of days has seen so many tears shed. Today seemed to drag on. Time taking its toll on everyone. Six words, that seemed to shatter my world today. "I love you. Never forget that." They killed me inside. I wanted to fall onto the ground and scream like a two year old. But I couldn't. I was in an office and am sixteen, not two.
As hard as the days have been lately, something inside me is saying cherish them. They're numbered. And as much as I try to be happy and hold it together in front of people, I can't. I manage most of the time, but lately it's just been way too hard.
I was handed a letter today that confused me to start with, but after talking about it with a good old friend of mine, we discovered that there has to be some sort of underlying meaning behind it.
Time just seems to be a way for the Universe to say "Get this up ya!" And it works. It rips and tears and I feel worse and worse everyday. What am I supposed to do if they disappear? What will I become if she leaves? How am I going to react to questions being asked? What will my friends think of me?
What do my friends think of me now? The one question that always seems to be floating in my mind all the time. Do they really love me? Or is that just some ploy to make me happy? Do my friends want me around? Or are they just being nice? I'm not totally sure of this, but that's what I've gotten out of the past few days. And with all the crap I've been through, I'm not totally trusting with friends. Sure I can talk to them, but can I tell them absolutely everything? Can I trust them to be around when I need them the most.
I have this one friend. They seem to always be able to make me smile, no matter how shit I'm feeling. And while I've been comforting them, I found them today comforting me. This was so strange. I'm usually the one lending the shoulder to cry on. Very rarely do I need this in return. And a shoulder lent from a person I rarely speak to. Even the smallest things these days are setting me off.
I have this teddy that I bought myself for Valentines Day, and lately, it's been a symbol of my friends. Each day it's someone new. Each day I kiss it on the head and thank God that I have the most amazing people in my life.
Some people don't realise how much a hug can say. And I know they can be awkward, but when people need them, they need them. As a sign of affection and friendship.
Anywho, I think I've depressed enough.
Love, love,
Me. xx
"p.s. i love you x "
Sunday, March 7, 2010
worse shit in the world has happened.
I think I should be doing my Religion assignment. But honestly, I couldn't be fucked. So I'm gunna blog about our Biology "Excursion".
I woke up this morning confused as to whether or not the excursion would be on or not, so after texting a couple of people, I wore my school uniform to school, only to change straight into my mufti clothes as sson as I arrived at school. When we reached our destination, it was the 34567898765345km trek to the actual tidal zone that near killed me. And then we had to dawdle 100m out towards the Ocean. We barely made the hundred metres from where we started to the waters edge. Anywho, from there we did what we had to, until it started raining and then we left and went back to school. I love a good old trek over the treterous terrain of the beach carrying a 4537645kg box that threatened to snap my arms out of its sockets.
Stupid car battery died, so now Mum has her Dad over here trying to jump start the freaking thing. Mind you I did help. I popped both bonnets and reversed the car out of the garage with Mum pushing. Made me feel good.
When we got back to school, we had 20mins of PC that consisted of a lecture from Mrs Lyttle and then to lunch we heigh-hoed. After lunch we had a bloody double Biology. Far out. Anyway, we all sat through the next two hours of Biology and in the last 10mins, even Mr Hynes gave up. Everyone was completely drained and ready for a siesta.
I would like to let everyone know, I know I have boobs, and that I blish alot. BUT. Something stopped the blushing a while ago, and I managed to keep it under control, but as of late, I think it's coming back. God damn those boys.
LOVE can criple, thrill and frustrate.
HATE can drive some to insanity.
I'd prefer a bunch of flower as a gift than an actual present anyday.
A dozen red roses can say I love you.
But a single red rose says that my heart is yours.
A teddy says you are my friend.
But time tells the tale.
The line between friendship and a relationship can destroy or transform.
But the line between love and hate hurts.
We have to believe that to love someone will bring us all the happiness in the world,
And believing in hating someone can bring you crumbling down in self pitty.
Hahahahahaha. Mum just worked out why the car wouldn't start. She forgot to put her foot on the clutch to start it. Idiot.
My motto at the moment: Worse shit in the world has happened.
Much love.
Me xx
I woke up this morning confused as to whether or not the excursion would be on or not, so after texting a couple of people, I wore my school uniform to school, only to change straight into my mufti clothes as sson as I arrived at school. When we reached our destination, it was the 34567898765345km trek to the actual tidal zone that near killed me. And then we had to dawdle 100m out towards the Ocean. We barely made the hundred metres from where we started to the waters edge. Anywho, from there we did what we had to, until it started raining and then we left and went back to school. I love a good old trek over the treterous terrain of the beach carrying a 4537645kg box that threatened to snap my arms out of its sockets.
Stupid car battery died, so now Mum has her Dad over here trying to jump start the freaking thing. Mind you I did help. I popped both bonnets and reversed the car out of the garage with Mum pushing. Made me feel good.
When we got back to school, we had 20mins of PC that consisted of a lecture from Mrs Lyttle and then to lunch we heigh-hoed. After lunch we had a bloody double Biology. Far out. Anyway, we all sat through the next two hours of Biology and in the last 10mins, even Mr Hynes gave up. Everyone was completely drained and ready for a siesta.
I would like to let everyone know, I know I have boobs, and that I blish alot. BUT. Something stopped the blushing a while ago, and I managed to keep it under control, but as of late, I think it's coming back. God damn those boys.
LOVE can criple, thrill and frustrate.
HATE can drive some to insanity.
I'd prefer a bunch of flower as a gift than an actual present anyday.
A dozen red roses can say I love you.
But a single red rose says that my heart is yours.
A teddy says you are my friend.
But time tells the tale.
The line between friendship and a relationship can destroy or transform.
But the line between love and hate hurts.
We have to believe that to love someone will bring us all the happiness in the world,
And believing in hating someone can bring you crumbling down in self pitty.
Hahahahahaha. Mum just worked out why the car wouldn't start. She forgot to put her foot on the clutch to start it. Idiot.
My motto at the moment: Worse shit in the world has happened.
Much love.
Me xx
Friday, March 5, 2010
some people just make me want to..GRRRRRRR
This isn't direted at anyone in particular, but people who think that people need to come across happier in their blogs need to stop. Seriously, someones' blog is probably their way of getting things off their chest that they can't say to anyone or out loud.
Stoopid.
I hate driving. I can't do it and I nearly crashed the car. It's not that I don't like driving, it's that I can't do it and I hate the manual car. I don't care if people rekon the manual's better, I fucking hate it and I get frustrated and upset because I can't do it. I know what I have to do in pieces, but putting it all together shits me to tears. Literally.
And then I start crying about things that I don't know. And then I fall asleep. And then wake up hungry. Then I make a Vegemite sammich and put too much vegemite on. And then I feel funny.
I've also decided that I need to do something about my weight and fitness. I know people are gunna go you're a dickhead, you're not fat. But that's the beauty of clothing. You can hide just about anything. Scars, weight, pain. So yep. My only problem is I know I have to do something, but I have no motivation.
Anyway. I'm hungry. I think.
Love Me xx
Stoopid.
I hate driving. I can't do it and I nearly crashed the car. It's not that I don't like driving, it's that I can't do it and I hate the manual car. I don't care if people rekon the manual's better, I fucking hate it and I get frustrated and upset because I can't do it. I know what I have to do in pieces, but putting it all together shits me to tears. Literally.
And then I start crying about things that I don't know. And then I fall asleep. And then wake up hungry. Then I make a Vegemite sammich and put too much vegemite on. And then I feel funny.
I've also decided that I need to do something about my weight and fitness. I know people are gunna go you're a dickhead, you're not fat. But that's the beauty of clothing. You can hide just about anything. Scars, weight, pain. So yep. My only problem is I know I have to do something, but I have no motivation.
Anyway. I'm hungry. I think.
Love Me xx
beachyness
Today, so far, was spent wandering aimlessly around Broulee and Mossy Point so Kayla could get a head-start on her photography assignment for the end of the year. The day started all happy and everyone was keen as bean. Then we got there.
After a 5345678035903457206km treck following Kayla we arrived at the headland where we started taking photos. While photos of Brady and Ally were being taken I wondered over to a nice spot looking over the water. And that's where the first photo of me and Dyl was taken. Anyway the rest of the day consisted of walking around taking photos.
We wondered down to Broulee Beach and finished up with a quick swim. I got kinda depressed and angry once we were there. It was like someone was sending bad energy at me, or like someone wanted me to be upset. I don't know, it was weird. I went from being super happy and bubbly and then to cranky and wanting to kill someone. Anyway we headed to the Muffin Shop. Ally got picked up and we headed back to Kayla's place.
We finished up and now I'm writing this and about to head home.
g'bye eberybody.
Me xx
After a 5345678035903457206km treck following Kayla we arrived at the headland where we started taking photos. While photos of Brady and Ally were being taken I wondered over to a nice spot looking over the water. And that's where the first photo of me and Dyl was taken. Anyway the rest of the day consisted of walking around taking photos.
We wondered down to Broulee Beach and finished up with a quick swim. I got kinda depressed and angry once we were there. It was like someone was sending bad energy at me, or like someone wanted me to be upset. I don't know, it was weird. I went from being super happy and bubbly and then to cranky and wanting to kill someone. Anyway we headed to the Muffin Shop. Ally got picked up and we headed back to Kayla's place.
We finished up and now I'm writing this and about to head home.
g'bye eberybody.
Me xx
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
mistaken identity
So being sick doesn't give you any benefits. You throw up, get phlegm, cry, sit in pain, feel nauseous all the time and are totally drained. Pretty much how I felt all day.
I think I'm pretty lucky. At school, people have been complaining about their workload, and I sit there and think, I really should stop complaining, I have a couple of things I have to catch up on, and two assessments. I could have three modules of correspondence work to catch up on, or have ten assessments due within the next couple of weeks. I have nothing. Homework that I get and a couple of things to do. Nothing.
Tonight Mum's taking us to play barefoot bowls with Ray White. I'm in a team with Bobbi, Adam and Hannah. I actually don't feel up to it, but I'm gunna get up and have a go anyway.
Sometimes I think I have the onset to Bipolar. One minute I'll be fine and ahppy to talk to whoever or feel on top of the world, someone will say something and I'll snap and get pissy at everyone and just want to go and cry. I confuse myself.
Today at lunch while I felt like I was dying, I kinda fell asleep on Allys hip with her brushing my hair back. I looked in the window and saw Brady standing with his hand around Allys waist and had a major flash forward of them looking the same except where I was, there was a little bassinet in front of them. It made me smile and I went back to sleep. And then I opened my eyes and saw Kayla taking photos of me. Lovely.
I'd like to take this chance to apologise to anyone I've ever offended or upset. I probably didn't realise and I have a habit to talk without thinking, but I'm trying to get that under control.
Anyway, I'm stuffed and I have a fair bit of homework to do. Anyone want to do it for me?? :D :P I made a funny.
Love,
Me x
I think I'm pretty lucky. At school, people have been complaining about their workload, and I sit there and think, I really should stop complaining, I have a couple of things I have to catch up on, and two assessments. I could have three modules of correspondence work to catch up on, or have ten assessments due within the next couple of weeks. I have nothing. Homework that I get and a couple of things to do. Nothing.
Tonight Mum's taking us to play barefoot bowls with Ray White. I'm in a team with Bobbi, Adam and Hannah. I actually don't feel up to it, but I'm gunna get up and have a go anyway.
Sometimes I think I have the onset to Bipolar. One minute I'll be fine and ahppy to talk to whoever or feel on top of the world, someone will say something and I'll snap and get pissy at everyone and just want to go and cry. I confuse myself.
Today at lunch while I felt like I was dying, I kinda fell asleep on Allys hip with her brushing my hair back. I looked in the window and saw Brady standing with his hand around Allys waist and had a major flash forward of them looking the same except where I was, there was a little bassinet in front of them. It made me smile and I went back to sleep. And then I opened my eyes and saw Kayla taking photos of me. Lovely.
I'd like to take this chance to apologise to anyone I've ever offended or upset. I probably didn't realise and I have a habit to talk without thinking, but I'm trying to get that under control.
Anyway, I'm stuffed and I have a fair bit of homework to do. Anyone want to do it for me?? :D :P I made a funny.
Love,
Me x
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
hey soul sister
Round 2 today.
I have a new favourite song. Hey, Soul Sister by Train. Made me cry.
Any who, I haven't moved much today and I'm tired. Who knew being sick could take it out of ya. I feel good, and I'm pretty sure I'm in a good mood, but something just makes me feel like crying.
These days, I've been feeling better about myself,but ever so slightly. And I find myself falling. First I have to help. I can't understand why though. It hurts and I don't want to, but slowly, bit by bit, I fall. I know I can't do anything about it and I can't change it. But it's there.
And all the things I want, don't seem to be enough for some. I can't help that I have priorities, that school, for me, at the moment, is more important than getting the washing done, or cleaning the kitchen. But when I do find myself helping out around the house, that everyone else is sitting on their arse doing shit all. Sitting on Facebook, playing the X-Box or being a tart on webcam. It doesn't matter how exhausted I am. what I do is never enough.
I hate that I get called lazy and that I get no thanks for the things I do. I can't help but getting angry and those who know me, will know that my angry bone connects to my tear ducts.
Any who, I'm tired and it looks like I'm gunna have a shitload of work to catch up on.
Much love,
Me xx
I have a new favourite song. Hey, Soul Sister by Train. Made me cry.
Any who, I haven't moved much today and I'm tired. Who knew being sick could take it out of ya. I feel good, and I'm pretty sure I'm in a good mood, but something just makes me feel like crying.
These days, I've been feeling better about myself,but ever so slightly. And I find myself falling. First I have to help. I can't understand why though. It hurts and I don't want to, but slowly, bit by bit, I fall. I know I can't do anything about it and I can't change it. But it's there.
And all the things I want, don't seem to be enough for some. I can't help that I have priorities, that school, for me, at the moment, is more important than getting the washing done, or cleaning the kitchen. But when I do find myself helping out around the house, that everyone else is sitting on their arse doing shit all. Sitting on Facebook, playing the X-Box or being a tart on webcam. It doesn't matter how exhausted I am. what I do is never enough.
I hate that I get called lazy and that I get no thanks for the things I do. I can't help but getting angry and those who know me, will know that my angry bone connects to my tear ducts.
Any who, I'm tired and it looks like I'm gunna have a shitload of work to catch up on.
Much love,
Me xx
poison
So last night I got very sick. I think it was food poisoning. Maybe from the stir fry I had for lunch. I don't think it was that because Dyl should've been sick from it as well. So I ended up crippled by some mysterious disease that had me getting to know the toilet pretty well, as well as falling asleep on the tiles in the bathroom. I was dragging myself between bed and the toilet all night.
I woke up this morning feeling pretty freaking good, until I stood up. It took me a bit to decide whether or not I should go to school. I didn't. So I'm lying on the lounge with my doona and the Austar remote trying to relax and rest up. My head still hurts and I still feel a bit crook.
I hate:
-her
-skater dudes
-being sick
-that she doesn't care
-people who think whey own the world
-scary movies
-people who couldn't give a hoot
-that I'm jealous of her
-that he loves her
-that I don't see myself the way I want to
-that I can't live without them
-that I was born 40 years too late
-her flashforwards
-that I don't know them as well as I'd like to
-that I don't have very much self confidence or esteem
-that I can't hide my emotions
-that I've shed so many tears
-that I get so sick
-not know what's going to happen in the future
I love:
-her flashforwards
-him
-music
-them
-chocolate
-that he's honest
-Mumford & Sons.
-that she's my sister
-not knowing what's going to happen next
I woke up this morning feeling pretty freaking good, until I stood up. It took me a bit to decide whether or not I should go to school. I didn't. So I'm lying on the lounge with my doona and the Austar remote trying to relax and rest up. My head still hurts and I still feel a bit crook.
I hate:
-her
-skater dudes
-being sick
-that she doesn't care
-people who think whey own the world
-scary movies
-people who couldn't give a hoot
-that I'm jealous of her
-that he loves her
-that I don't see myself the way I want to
-that I can't live without them
-that I was born 40 years too late
-her flashforwards
-that I don't know them as well as I'd like to
-that I don't have very much self confidence or esteem
-that I can't hide my emotions
-that I've shed so many tears
-that I get so sick
-not know what's going to happen in the future
I love:
-her flashforwards
-him
-music
-them
-chocolate
-that he's honest
-Mumford & Sons.
-that she's my sister
-not knowing what's going to happen next
Monday, March 1, 2010
♥ ♥ the one that saved me
All in all, I have to thank this song for bringing me back to reality. And the lyrics just fit so well.
The Middle
Written by by Jimmy Eat World
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head
You feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
Hey, you know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own
So don't buy in, live right now
Yeah, just be yourself
It doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head
You feel left out or looked down on
Just do your best, do everything you can
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
The Middle
Written by by Jimmy Eat World
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head
You feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
Hey, you know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own
So don't buy in, live right now
Yeah, just be yourself
It doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head
You feel left out or looked down on
Just do your best, do everything you can
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
zoolander
I haven't written in a little while. Oh well, I've been a tid bit busy.
So last night I was helping Kayla babysit at On The Pier for a wedding. My Main two concerns, Levi and Lucy. Levi is three and Lucy is only crawling. Levi wouldn't let me out of his sights, everytime I tried to walk away he'd latch onto my leg, and at one point he was on my back. And then there was Lucy. Kayla and I took turns of looking after her, but aside from Levi, she was the one I felt most compelled to look after. She had the cutest little white dress on that I fiddled with when she sat on my knee, transfixed on the TV watching the colours. When she got bored with the TV we moved to the table where I armed her with texta and paper.
So when all the little people went home, so did we. It was abit after midnight and way past my bed time (9.30).
When I woke up this morning, it wasn't because I wanted to, it was because Kayla was poking my matress pushing it up. So I reluctantly woke up and dragged myself out of bed. Both Brendan and Kayla think I look absolutely fabulous first thing in the morning. I laughed too. So we puttered off to school and went through the day really quickly.
Kayla, Dyl, Brady and I stayed back after school, where we mucked around for abit and finally sat and did some homework. After a quick (2 second) decision, Dyl and I put on Night at the Museum 2, which quickly changed to Zoolander. God love iTunes when it stops the movie. So Zoolander stopped and started. And then we got PIZZA!!! It was mighty good, coz I was mighty hungery. :)
When the actual doo that we were there for started, we all sat down and listened to the same speeches that the teachers give every single time, "make sure you do your homework" blah blah blah. Moving on. Then we left. There were seriously L plates on almost every single car in the carpark. Everyone excpet mine. :( Ah well.
So here's my enlightening piece.
Shit happens to the best of people. The ones you wouldn't ever expect. You don't see it coming, and the reprocusions leave scars (metaphorical ones. Sometimes physical, but I mean the metaphorical ones). You just never know
And a word to the bored, don't play movies through iTunes. It sucks. Well on my computer it does. :)
So last night I was helping Kayla babysit at On The Pier for a wedding. My Main two concerns, Levi and Lucy. Levi is three and Lucy is only crawling. Levi wouldn't let me out of his sights, everytime I tried to walk away he'd latch onto my leg, and at one point he was on my back. And then there was Lucy. Kayla and I took turns of looking after her, but aside from Levi, she was the one I felt most compelled to look after. She had the cutest little white dress on that I fiddled with when she sat on my knee, transfixed on the TV watching the colours. When she got bored with the TV we moved to the table where I armed her with texta and paper.
So when all the little people went home, so did we. It was abit after midnight and way past my bed time (9.30).
When I woke up this morning, it wasn't because I wanted to, it was because Kayla was poking my matress pushing it up. So I reluctantly woke up and dragged myself out of bed. Both Brendan and Kayla think I look absolutely fabulous first thing in the morning. I laughed too. So we puttered off to school and went through the day really quickly.
Kayla, Dyl, Brady and I stayed back after school, where we mucked around for abit and finally sat and did some homework. After a quick (2 second) decision, Dyl and I put on Night at the Museum 2, which quickly changed to Zoolander. God love iTunes when it stops the movie. So Zoolander stopped and started. And then we got PIZZA!!! It was mighty good, coz I was mighty hungery. :)
When the actual doo that we were there for started, we all sat down and listened to the same speeches that the teachers give every single time, "make sure you do your homework" blah blah blah. Moving on. Then we left. There were seriously L plates on almost every single car in the carpark. Everyone excpet mine. :( Ah well.
So here's my enlightening piece.
Shit happens to the best of people. The ones you wouldn't ever expect. You don't see it coming, and the reprocusions leave scars (metaphorical ones. Sometimes physical, but I mean the metaphorical ones). You just never know
And a word to the bored, don't play movies through iTunes. It sucks. Well on my computer it does. :)
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