fuck society.

You can't fucking please everyone. Some people just don't get, that outside my friendship group. I close up. I'm shy like people wouldn't understand. Sure I get along with everyone, but there are a few people I can't talk to. People in my classes I can talk to because I'm becoming more comfortable around them. But the people who aren't, I can't seem to connect with, even on the slightest level. And now, there's been a group created that's been going for a couple of days, and already, there's controversy of the way the group is going to end up.

I think just for a few days I need to break away from contact from everyone, sit by myself and clear my head. I love my friends and I always make an effort to get along with everone. But sometimes, it just never seems to be enough.

And one of the things that pisses me off is the 'music student' label. I'd like to publicly make this clear. WHEN WE MISS CLASS, WE HAVE TO CATCH UP. If we miss out on class, it's more pressure on us to get the work down and be up to date. And the students who do the extra-curricular activities are generally more respected by the teachers, because they know that anyone who can keep up with their work if they miss out on it can cope. Personally, it pisses me off that people are always going on about it and they need to get a grip. Last years Variety Concert. There were seven of us who were there all day everyday helping. We moved stages, set up, packed up and put everything back. I don't know if people can actually fathom how exhausted we were. Especially thoseof us who were there until midnight every night cleaning up and fixing things for the next.

I know the musical is coming up, and I intend on being involved in that. It goes for a week and everyone involved has a fantastic time. This'll be my last musical at Carroll College and I intend of having a good time. But with this enjoyment, I'm mentally and physically preparing myself for the ridiculous amounts of homework I'm going to have to catch up on. Being involved with things like the musical or even school liturgies or assemblies is extra pressure on us as musicians to perform well so that everything that we do is enjoyable for the audience.

I don't know how much people actually appreciate how much effort is put into these events, but it pisses me off that they can go around and say that 'music students' don't do anything becuse this is just fucking bull shit and everyone who thinks that what we do is easy needs to come along and have a good hard look at what is actually done.

Some fucking people need to grow up. I'm just so fucking angry at the moment I just want to hit something. brb...

Righteo. F*CKING HELL!!!

Okay, so now that I have that off my chest. I'm shy out of my comfort zone, I get all weird and I can feel that I send out weird vibes. Not intentionally but I haven't been put in those positions very often, and I'm working on my self esteem. One thing that I think will help heaps will be when we move. I'm gunna work on my self image and I'm gunna work of being more open and honest with people letting them know who I really am and what I'm really like. I'm sick of hiding who I am. The expectations of society today shape who we are and it sucks.

So, fuck society, as of our move, I will be me.

Fuck the world, I will be me, and I will do what I want.