mi amoire

What a week. Had the best time at the musical. Thursday night was so much fun. Just forgot who I was for the night and let my hair down. Finished in the best mood. Had way too much fun to care what anybody thought. I just found a whole other me. And I like her. A lot. Yesterday was pretty cool. Got to spend the day in my pyjamas. Maddy told me my legs look good in heels. Hahaha, thanks Maddy.

Today was biggest lazy day. Slept until 10:40 and only got up to make pancakes and have a shower. :) Just had dinner, Mum asked if we had any alcohol, so I went and looked in the cupboard and found a bottle of Jim Beam and a bottle of Ouzo. God I'm good.

So I'm tired from being in bed all day, and my phone just died. Great.
Good night everybody.
I miss you. xxx

A Pig That Thinks It's A Dog.

It's funny how as a little kid you watch a movie and know nothing about it, or none of the dialogue makes any sense. Watching movies now, I can find a whole heap of different meanings. I'm watching Babe, and I haven't noticed it until now that in the beginning of the movie the voice over talks about a "paradise" for pigs when they're big enough. That means when they go to DIE! Oh my Jesus. How bad are these little kids movies. Last night I was watching Mulan and one of the ancestors was talking about a cross dressing uncle. :O

On another note, the Musical starts tomorrow. How exciting!!! Finally sort of have the dance down pat. Some people piss me off. Like something else. There are little Year 7 and 8 girls who think it's okay to stand backstage and talk away while we're running through a scene, or just stand in the girls change room. Like seriously guys, there obviously isn't enough room as it is; shut the fuck up, and get out of the fucking way. Haha, the alarm clock in Babe is dubbed "The Mechanical Rooster". Thought you'd like to know.

So what day are we up to? Saturday was lovely. Freezing, but still a good day. Watched Toy Story 3 with my favourite guy, and then went and had lunch. :) I had fun, it wasn't very long, but it was good. Footy, or what I saw of it was good. Jumped straight into the canteen when I got back. That was alright. Got a Chocolate Crackle for helping. Then I went upstairs and was playing with one of the players little girls. Zoe is her name, and she's absolutely gorgeous. Sunday rehearsals were pretty good. It's crazy how everything comes together within the last few rehearsals.

Babe is actually a kind of really sad movie. Finally ran out of things to say. :D
Good night all.
I love you. xxx

oh really?

Afternoon everyone.
So a bit/not much has happened since Tuesday. Australia has their first female Prime Minister. Very exciting. And she's a redhead. More power to you Gillard.

Musical rehearsals today. Getting better. I can now sing Filipino. Toy Story tomorrow. :D Very keen. Rehearsals again Sunday and Monday. Hopefully will wear my ugly pants on Sunday, if I remember them. Then have the musical on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Thursday night is sold out, so I hear. :S Friday is chilled as. Pyjamas to school.

Talking to Tayla. :)
Fare well my darlings.
I love you. xxx

cheese.

Evening all.
Had a fantastically beautiful day today. Got woken up at 2am by a beautiful message from an incredible person. So the day was set to be great from the start. I don't even know why I was so happy, I just was. Handed in my English assignment. Glad to have handed that in. One more to hand in, and then that's it for the term.

Ally came back to school. :D Very happy to have her back, so is Brady. End of term is creeping closer, which means the musical is on soon. Getting kind of nervous. :S Oh well, it will be good. Hopefully.

Haha, Cheese. Stupid vicious cycle.

My day just went from :D to :'(

That is all from me.
I love you, more than before. xxx

franglais.

Hello. :)
Today was good. Finished my English assignment. And if I do say so myself, it looks pretty cool. :) I started and it looked shit, then I was walking through the backyard, and I saw this pot hanging on the fence and was like WIN! That's what I'm doing for my assignment, and changed my whole assignment. It screamed Fairies at me so I was like score. Very rarely do I find little inspirations like that and I'm glad I did, otherwise it wouldn't be done.

Yesterday was good. Had the Lions Club Dinner. I did set up for the musical for tomorrow. Got shit all done there. And when I got back to school it was all systems go. Mrs Harris and Mrs Hogg got me to be Maitre D'. It was so cool and unexpected. I'm glad though, it was the sort of confidence boost I needed. The night went well and the food was fantastic. Compliments from everyone to the chefs. Had a good chat to Kaileigh afterwards. After last night I think I'd really like going into the hospitality industry. Found a College in Sydney that does a Bachelor of Hospitality Management which would be something I could do. So hopefully I don't change my mind again, because I would love to do this.

On the way home with Mrs Harris she said I did really well and that everyone thought I did well. A bit more for the confidence and a bit on the ego. :) God knows I need it. Through the night got lots of support from everyone. Lots of hugs and compliments. :) Just what I needed after the past few weeks. Got home and had to clean my room. Didn't get to bed 'til midnight. Then fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Woke up about 9 and stayed in bed until 12. It was good.

Overall, the past couple of days have been pretty awesome. First musical rehearsal tomorrow, nervous and excited. Should be good. :)
Fare be well.
I love you. xxx

bert, bert, hey bert!

Where to start?
Got up a 4 o'clock yesterday morning. Bussed it to Sydney. Wicked was... wow. Words can't describe how fantastic it was. Defying Gravity, best song of the show. Watching it I felt kind of comforted because I knew a few of the songs from Music previously. BERT NEWTON was in it. :D I was more excited about seeing Bert than the actual show itself. I was all :D and everyone else was a bit "it's only Bert," and I was like "yeah, but Bert's a freaking legend!" Silly people. Bus back was :) :)

Today was okay, I think. The morning was tricky to get through. Everyone was so tired. Had a talk from a few of the "Speed Blitz Blues" NSW Cricket Team in second period. It was pretty cool. Got a "show-bag" with a poster and a wrist band and some pamphlets and a stress ball. :D

Then Bec roared at Cody and everyone got tense. So I got up and left, did some homework. Still have heaps to do. And two assignments. Cleaned the house again. At least got a thank you this time.

I'm finding myself home alone more and more. It's okay, I'm watching Happy Feet. Might have to do some homework soon. :S Oh well, good night ladies and jelly spoons.
I love you. xxx

get keen. :D

Dearest life, :)
You are wonderful at the moment. It's full of fabulous people. The weekend away seems to have done me some good. Very very so extremely insanely keen for Wicked tomorrow. :D :D I even made cookies for the occassion. Well actually, Coles made the dough, I just cut it up and put it in the oven. :D They still taste good.

Today was :D Except Hospo. Was a bit flat for that, but now it's all :D again. I'm a bit shocked at the amount of cookie dough I didn't eat. :) Now my hands smell like cookie dough. Yum. I am very much in love with this song "Quequn'un M'a Dit" by Carla Bruni. It's off (500) Days of Summer and it's all in French, so I can't understand much of it, but it's pretty.

Eh, GET KEEN PEOPLE!!!
I love you. xxx
Farewell. :D

:) --> :D --> :( --> :S

Leaving tomorrow. :( :( I don't know if I want to go back. It's so nice here. Bit fresh with the wind blowing. But I must say, it was awful nice to get away. Am getting very keen to go to Wicked. It's going to be fantastic.

Eh, I don't have much more to say. Oh, I got my costume for the "Side-burns Lady" for the musical. And you two seriously confuse the fuck out of me.

That is all.
I love you. xx

*relaxed*

Here in Toowoon Bay. So nice. I actually rekon I could live here. Everyone's so nice and the whole town is beautiful. It's a bit cold, but the sun's out and it's nice.

We left home a 5:47am and grabbed a McDonald's coffee and headed off. Went over the mountain and turned off to Goulburn. Went through Goulburn and got breakfast, saw the big arse jail. Then I drove until we got to Sydney. After that it wasn't too crazy. Traffic was a bit insane.

But now I have to do some homework and get back to reality. It's so peaceful here. Relaxed as. Had the awesomest Cheeseburger and had it at the lake side. It's beautiful. Can't get over how nice it is.

:):) I is off.
Fare be well my dears.
Love you. xxx

Terrigal.

:):) I'm actually starting to get keen to leave. Get out and get some fresh air, so to speak. We're only doing the "pre-trip" routine. Clean and wash everything so we have nothing to do when we get back. HAHA! Far out. Just finished the ironing. :D Still have other washing and crap to do, but I'm taking a break. :P

School is school. Everyone tried to steal my potato bake. It was so good. :) Gave what I couldn't eat to Brooke coz she had no food. :( I have lots of homework to keep me busy, and an assignment to do. :S Crap it. Slowly, slowly things are starting to look good. Next term I just have to stay on top of my work. Prioritise everything.

Mmmmm. Ice cream. :) I'm actually kinda hungry. :S Amazing Race. (Y) Good show. Um, hmmm. Oh, Hi Dylan. Sheesh woman. :) I love you. Silly boy.

Eh, I has to go put more washing on. :(
Good night,
I love you. xxx

black and red. red and white. white and blue.

:) :) At the moment I is in a good mood. We'll see how that changes by the end of this. Finally getting on top of my assignments. Sorta. Nearly finished CAFS and Mrs Harris gave me some good news about the Hospo assessment, so that's good. And I pretty much know what I'm doing for English, so once I get the main part done, I will be good.

Exams weren't too crash hot. :S Oh well. I is finding myself with new people around me. :) It feels good. But they're people who I've known for ages, but am coming to reconnect with again only recently.

Getting keen for next week. Getting somewhat keen and nervous for end of next term. Got a little shin-dig going down. My birthday is the last day of term, and then AFL Grand Final on the Saturday. Yew!!! Yew!!! Yew!!!

Have lots to look forward to. :) :)
I love you. xx

*breathe*

Once again, I find myself on the receiving end of the same old lecture. "You should be helping more," "I shouldn't have to come home and do everything." I don't know what to do. "I'm tired" she says. But really, she isn't the only one who hasn't been sleeping. "I'm so stressed at the moment, you guys have no idea!" When really, she's the one who doesn't know.

Today, for the first time, someone, a teacher, asked if I was okay. "You don't look alright." She stated, put her arm around me, and walked with me to the Netball Courts.

I'm trying to get this assignment done, but I can't get my head around it. And it's starting to get the better of me. Everything keeps piling up. I'm slowly getting on top of my school work, but missing out on Friday, Monday, Wednesday and next Friday isn't really going to help my situation. And only having one day at home of a weekend puts the pressure on from schools isn't helping at home either.

Eh, I don't know. Hopefully everything will start to work out soon. I know everyone's like "You're still young, this is nothing." But really, how many of them have walked in my shoes?

I love you.xx

"Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be part of who you become."

Trust me, you won't guess who any of this is directed at.
To about 5 people:
I don't know what to say. I help all I can, but still nothing. You insist that all is well and tell me don't worry. Of all people to tell not to worry makes me want to be able to do something about it more. But it's out of my hands when I'm expected to know what you're thinking or what you'd like me to do about it. I want to help you, but some information or something would be good. I honestly can't express my feelings to you without having you blow up in my face. Even if you don't you'll still contest it. But you know how I feel, most of the time.

To 1 out of 5:
But what I hate most is when you try and guess what's wrong and are so off the mark it's not funny. And then you press for more information and it makes me want to scream. Sure there have been plenty of times when I've wanted to walk away, but you pull me back, refusing to let me go.

To 2 out of 5:
Thank you for always being there. But really, I'd like to help you when you're upset, but you won't let me, or you'll pretend that there's nothing going on.

To the other 2:
Really, you have controlled my life thus far and I would appreciate very much if you stopped. If you accepted that I am me, and I know what's best for me, you would leave me to my own devices and let me work out my own problems, and work out my own mistakes.

lista kado mou

Yeah Swanies!! I is writing a bucket list. None of which I have done yet, but am intending on doing so. But I thought I'd put up what I've got so far.

1.Go to McDonald's in Time Square NY.
2.Go to a Broadway Show.
3.Pasta and meatballs in Italy.
4.Do Kokoda.
5.Champagne in France.
6.Fish and Chips in England.
7.Oktoberfest in Germany.
8.Tomato festival in Spain.
9.Swim with Sharks.
10.Sky diving.
11.Bunjee jumping in NZ.
12.Jazz club in Chicago.
13.Disneyland in LA.
14.Photos with guards at Buckingham Palace.
15.Tequila shots in Mexico.
16.Eurovision.
17.Ride a donkey in Greece.
18.Cruise the Amazon.
19.Pass HSC.
20.Gelato in Italy.
21.Stonehenge.
22.St. Pat's Day in Irish pub.
23.Hula in Hawaii.
24.Dance in a gay nightclub.
25.Go to a Mardi Gras.
26.Get a photo with a Moose in Canada.
27.Curry in India.
28.2015 in Gallipoli for ANZAC Day.
29.Tulips and Windmills in Holland.
30.Ride a Camel in Egypt.
31.Hot air ballooning.
32.Ouzo shots in Greece.
33.Witness a Vegas Wedding
34.Tattoos.
35.Photos on the Eiffel Tower.
36.Gondolas in Italy.
37.AFL + NRL grand finals.
38.State of Origin.
39.Party in Rio de Janero.
40.Not get arrested at the Mexican border like Emily. :D
41.Not get arrested at all.
42.Get married.
43.Decorate a dinner set.
44.Decorate martini/champagne/scotch glass sets.
45.Run a marathon.

That's it so far. So basically all I've done all day is homework. Again, like any usual Sunday. :) Looking forward to getting this week over. Wicked next Wednesday. Then a fundraiser movie thing on Thursday, and the Lions Club dinner on the Friday. TOY STORY 3 comes out on Wednesday. Looking forward to going and watching it. :D



I love you. xx

monopoly.

"Well you can tell by the way I walk my walk I'm a cheese-balls man." Alvin and The Chipmunks 2. :) Good movie. Footy was good today. Boys won by 40 odd goals in the first grade; 17's won by about 6 or 7 goals. Good effort by the boys. I drove home from Narooma too. Didn't fuck it up until I was driving up the driveway. :) Very proud.
I take lots of photos while I'm at footy. Thought I'd share a few. :)
I love you. xx

2 months. ♥ ♥

Today was absolutely fantabulous. Walking to the bus stop, for a change I felt really good. Sent and received a message that set my day up for smiles. Then when we got to school me and Bridget helped serve breakfast in the canteen because Maria looked pretty confused and busy anyways. So that got us an extra hour service period. :D

First period was good. Told Maggie and Tayla they haven't lived coz of two things: "Rocky Horror Picture Show" and "Beatrix Potter and Peter Rabbit". Silly girls. Hospo was :)) Lesson with the saxophonists third was good. It was good to get back into it. Music theory on Pitch. Eh.

Lunch and recess have been pretty cool the last few days. Had Kaileigh and Brooke around. Um, what was next? MATHS!! :)) That was funny. We did that estimating height thingy. And we got to go outside and walk around and be outside. It was good instead of being inside all lesson. CAFS as usual consisted of summarising the textbook again.

Went into town this arvo and got a Subway sammich. Chicken Parmigiana on the Italian Herb bread. Always get it when I go in there. So good. Then I went and did another service period for the Leukaemia Foundation. Enfield, Lyttle and Hogg were there with their husbands and were on the champers and wine all night. So funny.

Just finished watching Alvin and the Chipmunks 2. 'twas good. So I'm guessing now that it's after 12 it's Saturday. Awesome.

That's it from me.
I love you. xxx

where?

Selfish people. One of my biggest pet hates. And when you're trying to explain to someone that you aren't feeling real great, it doesn't help when they turn the story around and pretend that you're fine and that their shit is worse than yours. Sometimes you have to way it up and see who really is worse off. But no, you're the one who's upset today, you're the one who needs help. That's fine, and I'm sure you can understand how I'm feeling. And why I've been so sick lately.

So not a lot of people actually know that. Yeah, I have been sick lately. And I haven't been in a real great place lately. And I'll confess, two of my blogs "she..." and "her..." are me, but I feel that if I write them in second person, that it really isn't my story and that if I do so, I can convince myself that I'm okay. When I really know I'm not.

So this is short. Sorry if I've ever said anything to offend anyone, sorry if I've ever hurt you, physically or mentally or emotionally. I know better than anyone that the harsh words latch to you memory better than the good. Shit I still remember crap people said in Year 2 and Year 3.

That's bout it. Nothing too crash hot, but it's there.
I love you. xxx

her...

The past couple of days saw her health change incredibly. The bleeding intensified and the migranes refuse to subside. She fears that there is some form of eating disorder coming along nicely. Her old friend wants to move in much more quickly than before.

Her friends don't see it, but she is hiding. She notices more and more that her acting is becoming increasingly better. But time will tell. Tell her who her true friends are, and those who of those who have pledged their love will still be around.

She feels that her teachers are becoming increasingly aware of her state of mind, and that she is slowly deteriorating. Both mentally and physically. Her lack of sleep continues to show face during the times where she needs to be most alert. Things that catch her attention are usually the negative.

But something catches her eye. Friends she didn't think she had begin to provide support, and she realises that there might be support there for her. That people actually care.

But she can't talk about it. People ask questions, ask how she's doing, "fine" is usually the answer, but more and more she allows people to know that her head actually isn't where it should be. They offer help, but denies them, assuring the she will be fine in getting to where she needs to be.

Perry the Platypus: The Movie.

xx Bec says:
"dear disney, we're professionals and we think "
Kass says:
that for a number of episodes, (two to be exact) we feel that you may need to consider dress Perry the Platypus from Phineas and Ferb in a penguin costume as we as though Phineas and Ferb may be suspecting Perrys secret identity
xx Bec says:
"also, we suggest that a love interest in the form of a mongoose be introduced for the aforementioned platypus"
"and the mongooses secret agent hat should have a flower, for easy identification"
Kass says:
of femininity. unless you feel that perry has homosexual tendencies, then by all means, make the mongoose male.
xx Bec says:
however gay animal sex may upset the little children
so please make the mongoose a feminine male, if he indeed must be male
Kass says:
if the mongoose and perry do indeed end up together, we feel that their offspring, (should there be any) may have little secret agent hats with flowers in them
xx Bec says:
and that they should be blue mongooses and brown platypusses, assuming the mongoose itself is brown, if not please edit where necessary
Kass says:
the family of platy-geese should live in a blue and brown camoflauge house made out of leaves
xx Bec says:
with a humourous pelican post man who occasionally gets their mail confused with their hedgehog neighbours, which will ensure constant laughs for all ages
Kass says:
perry should drive a car in the shape of a hat
xx Bec says:
and have a brown paper bag lunch packed by his wife for him everyday
Kass says:
and it should be a sammich with a fish on it
xx Bec says:
and the fish should have a musical number
Kass says:
and spongebob should make an appearance in the number
xx Bec says:
with patrick
and king julian!
Kass says:
AND NEMO AND DORY!!
xx Bec says:
omg yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and mort
Kass says:
and woody and buzz
xx Bec says:
oh how i love toy story
and mickey and pluto
Kass says:
oh hell just get everyone from disney in on it
xx Bec says:
except hannah montanna hahaha
Kass says:
haha, yours sincerely, bec and kass
xx Bec says:
hahaha indeed
im sure theyll agree
Kass says:
theyd have to
xx Bec says:
its such a convincing argument
genius id call it
Kass says:
imagine what would happen if they smooshe our brains together and made it one big brain
xx Bec says:
OMG!
world domination
in short haha
Kass says:
hahaha
xx Bec says:
at least one hell of a disney movie haha
Kass says:
hahaha,
PERRY THE PLATYPUS THE MOVE
or musical
dear disney, in regard to our previous email, we feel as though two episodes will not be able to handle the magnitude of our ideas and feel that it is now in your hands to create a new motion picture titled "Perry the Platypus: the movie"
xx Bec says:
hahahaha i think we go further
and have us as characters
Kass says:
BRILLIANT