big arsed shoes.

Sometimes I sit and remember reading those blogs and remember wishing there was something I could do to help. Sometimes I think to myself, if she was perfect, what does that make me? I must have some big arse shoes to fill. I worry that when I have my freak outs, as I have had with every relationship I've been in, that it'll end the same way the others did.

But when I see him or speak to him, whether it be over MSN or text, those worries leave and I know I'm lucky. I forget my doubts and get lost in the moment.

As a close friend and I discussed late one night, the feel of arms around your waist is the best in the world. And after going without it for so long, I don't want to give it up.

ILY's covering it at the moment. But just.
So here's to the present and future. Forget the past, it's just full of bad memories, and look to the future, it'll be full of good ones. I promise.
<3<3

Out Of The Blue-Delta Goodrem.

A new beginning
A new chapter of my life
Started the day
When I thought
It could be my last
My eyes were wide shut but I hadn't given up
Just thought I'd be walking the world alone

Out of the blue
There I met you
Showed me a life I can't see without you
And theres just no way
That I can fight these emotions
Your energy running through me
Nobody can renew me like you

Out of the blue
Can this be true?

Family and friends they were my life
I wasn't one for butterflies
But you gave me love that I can't disguise
And there will be times when we're apart
I want you to know you're in my heart
Growing into a beautiful garden

No emotions
My whole body felt like ice
Needed to feel that the sun would shine my way
My world had turned to dust
But I had my faith and trust
Just thought I'd be walking the world alone

Family and friends they were my life
I wasn't one for butterflies
But you gave me love that I can't disguise
And there will be times when we're apart
I want you to know you're in my heart
Growing into a beautiful garden

Out of the blue
There I met you
I can’t believe that this happened so soon
And theres just no way
That I can fight these emotions
Your energy running through me
(Out of the blue)
(There I met you)
(Showed me a life) I can't see without you
(Out of the blue) Without you
There I met you, you
(Showed me a life) I can't see without you

There will be times when we're apart
I want you to know you're in my heart
Growing into a beautiful garden (Finally come true)
(Out of the blue)
(There I met you)

why?

FUCK!!

Is all I seem to be able to utter at the moment. Why can't some people grasp that there are situations where people just need to be left alone; that they might deserve happiness; or even a second chance.

Some people are selfish, and sometimes I consider myself one of the selfish people, but at least I know when people need their space.

Fan-fucking-tastic. My hands are shaking again. Some people just make me so angry. And how do you expect someone to fucking help if you can't let them in. It's honestly for your own benefit and well being. I know I'm not too good at the advice thing, but you could at least let me try. I'm sick of not knowing whether you're telling the truth or not. And it's frustrating. I've tried working it out, but I can't seem to be able to tell. You're frustrating. I love you, but sometimes you annoy the crap out of me. So cryptic all the time.

You're persistent in solving my problems, but the second I try and help, it seems as though you close up and you're only giving me minor details.

On a brighter note. Four days was too long. Can't wait to see you tomorrow.
(L)(L)(L)(L) :)
Me xo.

When I Look At You.

Yesterday was good fun. Played footy. So funny. All the girls felt like death after the first half. Thank God we only played for the 10 min halves, otherwise I might have stopped breathing. Then I sung the national anthem. I didn't think it went to well, but apparently after the first line I "pulled it together".

Today we went into town, I bought a Lava Lamp. Love it.

Anywho, I just went and had a hot bath. When I got out I felt relaxed as all crap. And then I went and put myself some food. As I was walking towards the table, my head started to spin, and all of a sudden I couldn't see or hear anything. So I stumbled to the table, blind and deaf, somehow managed to put my food down, and followed instructions from a somewhat tense Mum.

So after dry reaching for a bit, I wiped the food off my hand and held my head in my hands with my eyes closed for a bit. I felt like I was gunna pass out. But I feel better now that I've eaten.

But apart from that, I've had a good weekend so far. OH! We watched The Blair Witch Project. Pointless. A couple of scary bits, but overall, pointless. And Dad decided to show face after 6 months of nothing. Basically told Hannah to get fucked after she confronted him about not getting birthday presents for the second year in a row, after giving Jake $100 for his. So Hannah put up a status on Facebook. And good on her for it, people shouldn't be upset by it, it's more informing them of the shit that he likes to do. But that's who he is, and there's nothing anyone else can do about it.

And now Facebook won't open up. Stupid. I'm going to watch Ned, which Brady believes is the funniest movie ever.
Au revoir mes amis.
Moi xo.

P.S: The title's of my posts are of song names. :)

Save Me, San Francisco.

I couldn't think of what to write about before, but I've decided to make a list.

1. Justin Bieber is an idiot, but I do love One Time.
2. They did NOT take Gullible out of the dictionary.
3. Cheese does NOT sound like Gullible.
4. Year 7's get stupider and smaller every year.
5. Carl Barron; Danny Bhoy; Dylan Moran; Tim Minchin; Steven K Amos. Funniest people alive.
6. Peas and Peace are NOT the same things. And Olive should not be a substitute for I Love. STOP USING CONDAMENTS FOR MESSAGES.
7. Mumford & Sons are wonderful and I fucking love their music.
8. I kick a football so much better with only one boot on.
9. AFL is NOT a pussy sport.
10. Monty Python's Holy Grail and Life of Brian. Possibly the best movies ever.
11. I seriously thought that our group was history.
12. Ally P. Kayla M. I don't know where I'd be without you two.
13. Brady. Alex. John. You guys are awesome.
14. Roosters are the fucking shit.
15. Jess O, Sheersy, Maddy, Kaylee, Bec, Kaileigh, Sarah. You guys are amazing, always know how to make me laugh.
16. Midnight Beast are fucking hilarious.
17. Meggzy, Pickles, Aunty, Lally, Uncle, Barbi, Lou, Cody, Ruben. You guys know how to party.
18. Bus Trips for excurssions are the best.
19. This never ending list and it's need to go on is stoopid.
20. Mrs Cohen finds more bloody meaning in a fucking book than the composer meant it to have.
21. Batemans Bay Seahawks. What more needs to be said?
22. School Teachers. Especially the ones who've been incredibly supportive of me this year.
23. I can finish Solitaire in 62 seconds, and Minesweeper in 5.
24. I'm so fucking bored.
25. iTunes. You're stoopid.
26. Mummy. I love you.
27. Jake. You're an idiot.
28. Hannah. You and your friends are crazy.
29. Technology. ILY!
30. Last, but very not least. Dyl. We're awesome. You're awesome. Continually amazing me. Forever grateful. ♥ :) FILY!!

"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!!"

"What Are you going to do? Bleed on me?"

Night night lads and ladettes.
Me xo.

happy days are coming my way.

Just when things took a turn for the worst, someone flipped it all around. I seriously was starting to get worried. And things are good again. ROBBIE WON SYTYCD!!! WOOOOOO!!!

Today after the CSM I thought I was gunna die. It was hot and there was so much work to do. I had a minor anxiety attack in front of Mrs Whiting and Mrs (Cathy) Harris. So Mrs Whiting went and got chocolate. Then I had my freak out, but there were a couple of faces who seemed to make me smile, no matter how shitty I feel.

Last night I got a bit upset. It seemed as though our friends were leaving, and that one of my rocks would be going to. But recent events of tonight seemed to have changed that again, and life goes back to its perfectness.

I'm so ecstatic at the moment I don't know what to write about. I just hope it doesn't end the way it did last time.

And still, saying good bye is hard. But it's not for long.

I love you guys. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥


Hannah. FILY!! ♥

absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Why is it so hard to let go? At the end of the day, or when we have to go, saying goodbye is the hardest part. But the upside is knowing that it won't be the last time.

The holidays were just, wow. We moved house, and that's why I haven't blogged for ages. We just got Internet back and I'm like WOOO! Just had a ham and tzatziki wrap for dinner, and now all I can taste is garlic. So what happened?

Aamplify was good. Spent it with the awesomest people. Chasing and looking after drunk idiots again. Then watched the fireworks in the arms of the most amazing person ever, with Mum and Hannah chuckling to the side.

Sunday spent unpacking and moving shit again. Sat and watched the Sixth Sense and Johnny English. Except I couldn't concentrate on the movies. Stayed up til like 11:30 unpacking my room and sorting out where all my crap would go.

And the rest of the holidays were pretty sad. I missed you so much and until this morning I couldn't help but be, :)

Haha, I just remembered. Me and Hannah spent our last day in the Surf Beach house dancing like idiots to music on V and MTV. And now the photos are on Facebook. Shit they're funny.

Anyways, I'm out.
Much much love,
Me xo.

the end of a chapter.

Tonight might just be my last blog in this extremely long and challenging chapter of my short life. With everything happening so quickly I haven't really had time to look back and go "Oh my God." Today I spent all day finishing packing. We start the long awaited move to Rosedale, and shit am I keen. I'm not finished, but I've done as much as I can. I think I'm gunna miss the much anticipated Aamplify on Saturday to help Mum move. Which sucks.

If any one's read my blogs lately, you'll probably have noticed that I'm pretty over the moon. But what do you do when things start going great? You're thankful. And I am. I am adjusting to having all that I need, and that when I look at the clock and it says the oh mighty and powerful 11:11, I can't help but smile and know that I don't need to wish for anything else. That all that I have is mine, and I don't want it to ever let go.

And Sunday can't come sooner. I'm going to make it official that on the 11th of April 2010 marks the beginning of a new chapter in the life of Kass. A new week, a new home, a new time, a new life and a fresh start for me and my family. And what a way for it to start. :)

So here's to new beginnings. That although everyone's experiencing heartache and hardships, take it from me, because I never believed it until now. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's probably a big arse tunnel, but you will find the end of it eventually. Have faith. Corny I know, but the constant wishing and pleading with the universe has paid off, and I couldn't be happier. So hang in there, you'll make it.

So in my book of life, on Sunday I will turn the page and start fresh.
:) Me xo.

"Oh Pleasus!"

The other night I had this dream. I was talking to a man, I don't know who he was, and he asked me how I was. I told him I didn't know, that words can't describe what I'm feeling. He told me of course they can, that's what words are for.

But I stand by what I said to it. How do you describe it? It's being insanely happy, but a thousand times more intense. Never wanting to let go in case it disappears. I don't know, but I like it.

Yesterday was fair good. Went and spent the day in town for Dyl's birthday. Stood outside the movies for ages before wandering around debating on what to have for lunch. We settled for Starfish. Four bowls of wedges, two Lemon and Lime bitters and five cokes later. I swear the people on the table later wanted to punch us all in the head. Christ it was funny. And then Megan came and cleaned up the wedges we didn't eat.

Then we went and watched Bounty Hunter. It was good. And, what happened next?
Oh yeah, I said goodbye and Me and Smitty walked to Hanging Rock. That was funny.

And then its started raining at footy. I didn't train, the girls had finished by the time I got there. Awe. :( So I bought myself a lemonade and sat in the counter of the canteen with Hannah and my iPod. We sang and danced to all sorts of music. Then we started singing "I Will Survive." and Mum screamed "OH PLEASUS!!" Hannah and I looked at her and then at each other and then at Mum and burst into hysterics. Shit it was funny. Mum went on to explain, in between laughing, that she meant to say "Please, Jesus".

Anywho, I had fun yesterday. Lots and lots of laughing.
Much, much, much love,
Me x.

because we're awesome.

Today very quickly became the best Easter in the history of the world. At about one o'clock, I couldn't help but sit and smile to myself for what seemed forever. With the crisp morning air at my back, I was, and still am ecstatic. I hope this feeling never goes away. I'm in too good a mood to be insulted by anyone. My heart runs a marathon whenever his name is mentioned, and I can't help but smile.

I was in way to good a mood to sleep, so stared at the wall, listening to Kayla squeaking in her sleep. Even when I did sleep, it wasn't for very long. I woke up with a racing heart again.

I can't help but keep smiling.

Anyways. HAPPY EASTER!! again. hehe.
Much love,
Me xx

xristos anesti

Why is it so hard to tell someone you like, that you do like them?
Is it the fear of ruining the friendship that's already there? Or is it that you don't want to push them away?

Happy Easter everyone. Hope that rabbit that visits every year was good to you.

We just finished watching Paranormal Activity and now we're watching 2012. And it's 1.12am and I'm exhausted. I did some waitressing for the Fiona Lodge dinner. That was pretty cool. And we got photos with Steven Larkham and Julian something or rather. I dunno they were hot.

Anywho, I'm tired.
Me x.

the only exception.

I'm happy and content. But I can't help feeling as though there is still something missing. That I'm not fully me.

Anywho, I just spent the last couple of hours in Church. And!! I successfully read and sung Greek because Mum couldn't work it out. :| Which was weird. And now we are home 45 mins earlier than we should be.

My bedroom smells like basil. Yum.

Eh, I'm sleepy. Good night world.
love love,
Me xo.

he's back ♥

This morning while listening to Amazing Grace on repeat, as we pulled into school, I had an epiphany. I'm happy. I have great friends, and I've accepted that yes, they have their flaws, and so do I. I have accepted that certain people pass judgement, and judge me at your will. I have accepted the "Music Student" brand. If you must, use it, but just know that we work hard. I am happy with me. I have a family that loves me, and a life that is generous. I have class mates who I get along with, and am beginning to see that light at the end of the tunnel. It's been a long ride, but I'm beginning to see it. That I am content. I love my family, but I am forever in debt to everyone, especially my friends. And not just the ones I sit with at lunch and recess, but the ones I spend my class time with, the ones who speak to me. And after certain events, I'm beginning to realise more and more, how much I actually do relate and "interact with the rest of our year."


But on a more serious note. HOLIDAYS!!!!!HOLIDAYS!!!!!HOLIDAYS!!!!!HOLIDAYS!!!!!

Anyone else keen? WOO! Today was awesome. Setting up for liturgy, usual music student thing. :) Then we had the liturgy. It finished. YAY! And then we got easter eggs off Mrs Maher and Mrs Whiting, and then I ate a chocolate bunny. Double English was fair chilled. We went through whats gunna be in the half yearly, and then we watched A Midsummer Nights Dream. That was fair funny, coz we were all making stupid comments through it, and then we finished.

Double Biology, as a rare ocassion, was the highlight of my day. Spent the first half in Biology, doing work, sort of, and talking to Sheersy, Vetea and Kaylee for a bit. Then I went and sat on the table with Brooke. I ended up leaning in the window of the Physics class when Mr Simmons asked "Would you like to join us?" I was like SHIT YEAH!! and spent the period with the boys in Physics. It was pretty cool. Especially when I knew the formula to work out how to convert m/s to km/h and the boys didn't. I felt smart. And then Luke and Izaac found magnifying glasses and started setting crap on fire. Shoes, leaves, folders, cardboard that makes heaps of fire, and when its blown out makes even more smoke. And then the bell went, we said our fare wells and headed home for the holidays.

So even though nothing majorly exciting happened today, I had a good day.

So VIVA LA HOLIDAYS! and party on.
Much loves,
Me x.