some people can surprise you, if you give them the chance.

I can't help anymore. I've talked people out of unspeakable things. But when I was asked to do it again, I physically couldn't bring myself to do it again. It hurts too much.

The past couple of days has seen so many tears shed. Today seemed to drag on. Time taking its toll on everyone. Six words, that seemed to shatter my world today. "I love you. Never forget that." They killed me inside. I wanted to fall onto the ground and scream like a two year old. But I couldn't. I was in an office and am sixteen, not two.

As hard as the days have been lately, something inside me is saying cherish them. They're numbered. And as much as I try to be happy and hold it together in front of people, I can't. I manage most of the time, but lately it's just been way too hard.

I was handed a letter today that confused me to start with, but after talking about it with a good old friend of mine, we discovered that there has to be some sort of underlying meaning behind it.

Time just seems to be a way for the Universe to say "Get this up ya!" And it works. It rips and tears and I feel worse and worse everyday. What am I supposed to do if they disappear? What will I become if she leaves? How am I going to react to questions being asked? What will my friends think of me?

What do my friends think of me now? The one question that always seems to be floating in my mind all the time. Do they really love me? Or is that just some ploy to make me happy? Do my friends want me around? Or are they just being nice? I'm not totally sure of this, but that's what I've gotten out of the past few days. And with all the crap I've been through, I'm not totally trusting with friends. Sure I can talk to them, but can I tell them absolutely everything? Can I trust them to be around when I need them the most.

I have this one friend. They seem to always be able to make me smile, no matter how shit I'm feeling. And while I've been comforting them, I found them today comforting me. This was so strange. I'm usually the one lending the shoulder to cry on. Very rarely do I need this in return. And a shoulder lent from a person I rarely speak to. Even the smallest things these days are setting me off.

I have this teddy that I bought myself for Valentines Day, and lately, it's been a symbol of my friends. Each day it's someone new. Each day I kiss it on the head and thank God that I have the most amazing people in my life.

Some people don't realise how much a hug can say. And I know they can be awkward, but when people need them, they need them. As a sign of affection and friendship.

Anywho, I think I've depressed enough.
Love, love,
Me. xx

"p.s. i love you x "