I hate seeing and hearing that my friends are miserable. I read their blogs and occasionally their faces and just know that they're completely torn up inside. And it makes me sad know that I don't know how to or can't help them. I've tried and I think all I can do now is to let them know that I'm here for them and give them some space. And if and when they're ready, they can talk to me.
A whole people don't trust me. And that makes me sad too. That people don't think that they can trust me. I know that there are some who don't trust people too easily, and maybe I trust people way too easily, because there seems to be a whole heap of people who know far too much about me.
All I have to say to these people is, do what you think will make you happy. If I can't help, I won't I'll just let you know that I'm here for you.
And these days I am over tired. I'm not going to bed when I should be, and instead I stay up in the hope that someone may talk to me and listen to music. But when the music loses its touch and I haven't spoken to anyone the whole time I've been waiting, I give in and go to bed.
Why can't I help? Why can't I seem to hold anything together? Why do I cry over pointless, pathetic things? Why so many questions? Why do I get myself so worked up? What's the purpose of me going through so many matches and candles? What is it with candles that I love so much? Why is it that songs remind you of a particular moment in time? Why can't I breathe properly? Why do my back and neck hurt all the time? Why do I never get massages? Why am I always giving massages? Why am I so tense? Why do I feel sick all the time? Why do I have a shit immune system? Why is it that because I pictured us living in Rosedale so hard that it's now going to become a reality? How do I have the best people as my friends? Why do I deserve them? What is going to happen in the future? Why can't I see a Clairvoyant to tell me that everything is going to be fine? Why can't i know that I am going to be happy? Why do movies set out unrealistic views on love? Why do they put in the minds of young people everywhere that you'll fall in love and everything will be fine and dandy? Why is it that I know what I want, but can't have it? Why is it that I have been in love and it has ended with my heart broken?(Yeah, I have a heart, and I cleverly set it on a guy whom I never spoke to.) What is love? And why does it hurt so much? Why is there so much pain? Why do the worst things happen to the best people?
If anyone has any answer for me, please let me know, because I am completely lost.
I'm off to bed.
Sleep sweet,
Me x.
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