mistaken identity

So being sick doesn't give you any benefits. You throw up, get phlegm, cry, sit in pain, feel nauseous all the time and are totally drained. Pretty much how I felt all day.

I think I'm pretty lucky. At school, people have been complaining about their workload, and I sit there and think, I really should stop complaining, I have a couple of things I have to catch up on, and two assessments. I could have three modules of correspondence work to catch up on, or have ten assessments due within the next couple of weeks. I have nothing. Homework that I get and a couple of things to do. Nothing.

Tonight Mum's taking us to play barefoot bowls with Ray White. I'm in a team with Bobbi, Adam and Hannah. I actually don't feel up to it, but I'm gunna get up and have a go anyway.

Sometimes I think I have the onset to Bipolar. One minute I'll be fine and ahppy to talk to whoever or feel on top of the world, someone will say something and I'll snap and get pissy at everyone and just want to go and cry. I confuse myself.

Today at lunch while I felt like I was dying, I kinda fell asleep on Allys hip with her brushing my hair back. I looked in the window and saw Brady standing with his hand around Allys waist and had a major flash forward of them looking the same except where I was, there was a little bassinet in front of them. It made me smile and I went back to sleep. And then I opened my eyes and saw Kayla taking photos of me. Lovely.

I'd like to take this chance to apologise to anyone I've ever offended or upset. I probably didn't realise and I have a habit to talk without thinking, but I'm trying to get that under control.

Anyway, I'm stuffed and I have a fair bit of homework to do. Anyone want to do it for me?? :D :P I made a funny.

Love,
Me x

hey soul sister

Round 2 today.

I have a new favourite song. Hey, Soul Sister by Train. Made me cry.

Any who, I haven't moved much today and I'm tired. Who knew being sick could take it out of ya. I feel good, and I'm pretty sure I'm in a good mood, but something just makes me feel like crying.

These days, I've been feeling better about myself,but ever so slightly. And I find myself falling. First I have to help. I can't understand why though. It hurts and I don't want to, but slowly, bit by bit, I fall. I know I can't do anything about it and I can't change it. But it's there.

And all the things I want, don't seem to be enough for some. I can't help that I have priorities, that school, for me, at the moment, is more important than getting the washing done, or cleaning the kitchen. But when I do find myself helping out around the house, that everyone else is sitting on their arse doing shit all. Sitting on Facebook, playing the X-Box or being a tart on webcam. It doesn't matter how exhausted I am. what I do is never enough.

I hate that I get called lazy and that I get no thanks for the things I do. I can't help but getting angry and those who know me, will know that my angry bone connects to my tear ducts.

Any who, I'm tired and it looks like I'm gunna have a shitload of work to catch up on.

Much love,
Me xx

poison

So last night I got very sick. I think it was food poisoning. Maybe from the stir fry I had for lunch. I don't think it was that because Dyl should've been sick from it as well. So I ended up crippled by some mysterious disease that had me getting to know the toilet pretty well, as well as falling asleep on the tiles in the bathroom. I was dragging myself between bed and the toilet all night.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty freaking good, until I stood up. It took me a bit to decide whether or not I should go to school. I didn't. So I'm lying on the lounge with my doona and the Austar remote trying to relax and rest up. My head still hurts and I still feel a bit crook.

I hate:
-her
-skater dudes
-being sick
-that she doesn't care
-people who think whey own the world
-scary movies
-people who couldn't give a hoot
-that I'm jealous of her
-that he loves her
-that I don't see myself the way I want to
-that I can't live without them
-that I was born 40 years too late
-her flashforwards
-that I don't know them as well as I'd like to
-that I don't have very much self confidence or esteem
-that I can't hide my emotions
-that I've shed so many tears
-that I get so sick
-not know what's going to happen in the future

I love:
-her flashforwards
-him
-music
-them
-chocolate
-that he's honest
-Mumford & Sons.
-that she's my sister
-not knowing what's going to happen next

♥ ♥ the one that saved me

All in all, I have to thank this song for bringing me back to reality. And the lyrics just fit so well.


The Middle
Written by by Jimmy Eat World

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head
You feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away

It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right

Hey, you know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own
So don't buy in, live right now
Yeah, just be yourself
It doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else

It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right

It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head
You feel left out or looked down on
Just do your best, do everything you can
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say

It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right

It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right

zoolander

I haven't written in a little while. Oh well, I've been a tid bit busy.

So last night I was helping Kayla babysit at On The Pier for a wedding. My Main two concerns, Levi and Lucy. Levi is three and Lucy is only crawling. Levi wouldn't let me out of his sights, everytime I tried to walk away he'd latch onto my leg, and at one point he was on my back. And then there was Lucy. Kayla and I took turns of looking after her, but aside from Levi, she was the one I felt most compelled to look after. She had the cutest little white dress on that I fiddled with when she sat on my knee, transfixed on the TV watching the colours. When she got bored with the TV we moved to the table where I armed her with texta and paper.

So when all the little people went home, so did we. It was abit after midnight and way past my bed time (9.30).

When I woke up this morning, it wasn't because I wanted to, it was because Kayla was poking my matress pushing it up. So I reluctantly woke up and dragged myself out of bed. Both Brendan and Kayla think I look absolutely fabulous first thing in the morning. I laughed too. So we puttered off to school and went through the day really quickly.

Kayla, Dyl, Brady and I stayed back after school, where we mucked around for abit and finally sat and did some homework. After a quick (2 second) decision, Dyl and I put on Night at the Museum 2, which quickly changed to Zoolander. God love iTunes when it stops the movie. So Zoolander stopped and started. And then we got PIZZA!!! It was mighty good, coz I was mighty hungery. :)

When the actual doo that we were there for started, we all sat down and listened to the same speeches that the teachers give every single time, "make sure you do your homework" blah blah blah. Moving on. Then we left. There were seriously L plates on almost every single car in the carpark. Everyone excpet mine. :( Ah well.

So here's my enlightening piece.

Shit happens to the best of people. The ones you wouldn't ever expect. You don't see it coming, and the reprocusions leave scars (metaphorical ones. Sometimes physical, but I mean the metaphorical ones). You just never know

And a word to the bored, don't play movies through iTunes. It sucks. Well on my computer it does. :)